It’s been a while since I’ve put together a recipe, so here’s a quick and easy one that makes for an excellent meal.

I’ve started to use the above chili garlic sauce instead of habanero or sriacha sauce because it’s got a really nice, light kick to it with a great amount of flavor.  Use it to spice up any recipe you have, and goes great over fried eggs in the morning.  You can find this in just about any Asian/ethnic grocery store for pennies.

I discovered lemonaise a few years ago, but it recently found its way back into my fridge again having found out that it’s completely paleo, and comes in tons of flavorful varieties.  It’s really expanded my options again with eating seafood on a paleo diet, which is always nice having another tool to use in the kitchen.

Caveman kitchen. I’m mostly outfitted with just a firepit and rocks of different sizes for smashing.

Ingredients:

• 6 oz lump crab meat
• 2 tsp Chili Garlic Sauce
• 1/4 lime, juiced
• 1/2 tsp coriander
• 1 tbsp chili dijon mustard
• 2-3 tbsp lemonaise
• Sea salt, to taste
• Fresh ground pepper, to taste
• Butter lettuce

Directions:

1. Place lump crabmeat into a medium sized bowl, and make a few passes with your hands to check and remove any remaining shell fragments.
2. Squeeze lime juice over the crabmeat. Sprinkle coriander, sea salt, and ground pepper as evenly as you can over the crabmeat.
3. Add chili dijon mustard, lemonaise, and chili garlic sauce.  Using a fork and spoon, gently toss the crabmeat until the ingredients are well mixed.
4. Using the spoon, spread your crabmeat mixture over the center of a butter lettuce leaf, roll up, and devour.

Buddha Bar is part of a growing empire, partly made up of restaurants, and partly made up of a very popular series of downtempo albums released under the same name.  The concept for each restaurant seems simple enough – insert a towering statue of a Buddha, remove all lighting fixtures, add a DJ, serve delicious food.

And guess what? It works!

Mostly works.

Jen and I wandered down to the Buddha Bar in DC after missing an opportunity to eat at the one in Paris.  Weeknights are certainly slower paced, which could be seen as a good thing if you want to hold a conversation and hear your dining partners over the DJ’s selected tracks for the evening.  The music is tasteful and relaxing, never too OONTZ-OONTZ-OONTZ but loud enough for you to know that you’re partially paying to hear some very good music.

Even DJs have to eat.

An Asian fusion theme permeates the menu, with wagyu tenderloin, sea bass, sushi, peking duck, hoisin pork ribs and curry shrimp being only a few of the main course offerings available.  Menu selections are clearly noted with a “V” for vegetarian, although vegetarians (such as Jen) may find themselves less than thrilled to eat here.

Her order of the Vietnamese Spring Rolls were fairly authentic and true to form, but somewhat lackluster for a world class restaurant, and something that could just as easily have been served out of a foodcart for a third of the price.  Not that there’s anything wrong with foodcarts, but that’s another story.

Her main course, the Seasonal Vegetable Tempura, left her with a substantial plate of lightly fried vegetables, but again, left her underwhelmed and uninterested in most of the dish, but taking to at least the tempura fried bok choi and sweet potatoes.

I had better luck with my dishes, starting with a Spicy Tuna Tartar with Avocado that made for an amazing appetizer.  Three separate stacks, one tuna tartar, one avocado, and one vegetable, served with a spicy dipping sauce and a bridge of fried chips, I took no time plowing through the tuna tartar before the waitress hastily made her way over and suggested that “Patrons tend to really enjoy mixing the three stacks together.”  Whoops.

My main course, the Grilled Grouper with Bok Choi and Nam Pla Sauce, was another great dish to follow up my first course.  Something about the preparation reminded me of the fresh fish I’ve had in years past in Hong Kong, which I think speaks to the quality and preparation to the dish.  A good but not oversized portion, I had no complaints whatsoever here, either.

The restaurant itself is very well decorated, and in dim lighting, looks like exactly what it intends to be- a world class drinking establishment that serves authentic Asian food centered around a God and some great lounge music.  Prices are on the higher end for dinner, but not out of the ordinary for a popular dining destination in DC. The service is helpful, friendly, and attentive enough to always be there when your water needs to be refilled, but not intrusive to the point where you’re inviting them to share your table with you.

I’d go back here another time, as I really enjoyed the meal, but it looks like I’ll have to make the return visit without my girlfriend, who’ll not likely be making the trip over with me.

See Buddha Bar on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Paleoheads
• Pescetarians
• Birthday Parties
• Drinks After Work

Not Recommended For:

• Buddhist Monks
• Mermaids and Mermen
• Vegetarians
• OONTZ-OONTZ-OONTZ

One of my friends mentioned to me how much he appreciated how I am constantly working on ways to cheat within the rules.  I couldn’t agree more.  So I decided to give a go at making a paleo fried shrimp recipe.  This is another super easy recipe to follow, and with minimal ingredients.  The coconut flour used as batter doesn’t stick perfectly to the shrimp, but it’s still an excellent paleo alternative to using a regular grain based flour.

Ingredients:

• 1 bag of large (31/35) shrimp, frozen
• 1 pasture raised egg, beaten
• 1/4 cup coconut flour
• 1/2 tsp fresh ground pepper
• 1/2 tsp Old Bay Seasoning
• 1/2 cup Avocado Oil or oil of your choice

Directions:

1. Defrost shrimp the night before, or under cold water in the sink.
2. Place the beaten egg in a small bowl or dish.  This egg wash will help the coconut flour stick to your shrimp.
3. Spread the 1/4 cup of coconut flour over a large flat surface, such as a cutting board or plate.  Evenly grind 1/2 tsp of black pepper over the coconut flour, and then 1/2 tsp of Old Bay over the coconut flour.
4. Gently pat one shrimp dry with a paper towel, and then dip the shrimp into the egg wash.  Make sure the shrimp is completely soaked, and then roll the shrimp into the coconut flour, getting a generous coating on your shrimp.  Set each of these aside and repeat until you have about 8-10 coated.
5. Heat a a large pan or skillet over medium high heat for about 5-10 minutes, until pan is hot.
6. Pour avocado oil into your pan, and gently lay each shrimp down into the oil.  You can use tongs or chopsticks, and handle your shrimp by the tail, so you minimize disturbing your batter.  Cook for about 60-90 seconds until the batter has turned a golden brown, and turn over to cook the other side.  Cook for an additional 60 seconds, and remove each shrimp to a plate.
7. At this point, you can start feasting, or prepare another batch of shrimp with the same process above.

Who’d have thought you could have fried food on your diet and still get away with it? I took my shrimp down in a pool of sriracha, but feel free to use whatever paleo dipping sauce you’d like!

Jen and I were out to meet some of her friends at the Bimini Boatyard & Grill in Fort Lauderdale, just a short drive from the busy streets of South Beach.  It has all the pre-requisites for an interesting evening.

• Yellow Lamborghini Gallardo parked out front, surrounded by orange safety cones?  Check.
• Boat dock waterfront location? Check.
• Blonde grabbing her tit at a police cruiser slowly creeping by in the parking lot? Check.

The restaurant inside is themed just as the name would imply.  Not so heavy on the pirates, scurvy, or people throwing up out the windows necessarily, but more of the whitewashed wood walls, nautical instruments, and a fantastic view of the moonlit piers that sit behind the property.  There’s a large bar immediately to the left of the entrance where we met up with Jen’s friends, and we quickly were escorted to our booth.  We were originally supposed to have a table near the windows to enjoy the view of the docks, but were seated in a totally different location.  Not wanting to create a big fuss, we took our seat, and started into exploring the menu.

Bimini offers a large expanse of selections, from seafood (natch), steaks, and pastas.  We were immediately informed that the restaurant had unfortunately run out of the prime rib, filet mignon, and grouper, but we otherwise we were still given a fairly sizeable menu to choose from.  The ‘World Famous Bimini Bread’ was an obvious start, as well was the Bimini Seafood Chowder.

The bread comess out as a pre-sliced honey glazed loaf that tears apart into perfectly bite sized shreds.  As the restaurant specialty, Bimini knocks this one out of the park.  Maybe not ‘the most amazing bread’ I’ve ever had, but still, very, very good.  I was almost a little upset there was so little, because this dish goes fast between four people.  I did, however, find some contentment in the soup that came soon thereafter.

Bimini’s Chowder pushes the envelope of chowderdom by presenting a rich tomato based one rather than one that comes out in the typical white variety you’d expect.  The soup is aromatic, flavorful, and loaded to the gills with seafood and vegetables.  The large island of potato you see on the eastern shore was a bit odd, as if the chef just dropped a giant chunk of potato in while ever other vegetable was cut to small pieces, but it was almost better for me, as I wasn’t really planning on eating it.

And the square bowl?  Well look who’s wearing fancy pants now.

As we sat there and chewed the fat, getting to know each other better and getting up to date with the ongoings of our lives, the waitress came back, and let us know that unfortunately one of the meat dishes and one of the fish dishes had also run out, as well as the baked potato side that was ordered.

For those of you not keeping a tally at home, let’s do a quick recap of what Bimini’s out of:

• Red Meats: 3
• Fish: 2
• Potatoes: 1

We put in a new order for fish, as well as some asparagus instead of the baked potato, and the waitress went to get our new orders in. So we waited.  And we waited.  And we waited.

And as our empty drink glasses began to pile up, we waited some more.

Meteorites the size of Mexico with the sole galactic purpose of obliterating the Earth of all life and habitability don’t come crashing down as fast as our approval of this place.

So what we’re non verbally told is that we’re at a restaurant that doesn’t serve food. Or alcohol.  Just guff.  Lots of excuses, apologies, and guff.  I think I would have even accepted tears at this point as something to placate me.

Several days later, our food finally arrived.  One of Jen’s friend’s entree had a fish that vaguely resembled a shoe sole, with an ice cream scoop of mashed potatoes.  My blackened black grouper even had less of a resemblance of anything edible.

I’ve seen Great Dane’s drop off presents in the grass that look more edible than that.  And in all likelihood, I probably would have enjoyed it more, too.  What do you think of fish?

No, I mean a real fish.

You think of something soft, flaky, and tender, right?  Not dry, stringy, and with more varicose veins underneath than, well… more varicose veins than

I didn’t even know fish had veins!

We stared at the mashed potatoes for a second, and gave some serious questioning as to why they were even there.  As we launched an all out nuclear strike on the waitress, even she looked at the mashed potatoes and said, “Oh, that’s weird.  You’re not supposed to have those.”

What?

I can’t even begin to explain how confusing this place was.  Were we being pranked by a radio station? MTV? What the hell was going on here?  I polished off the majorit of my sweet potato fries and broccolini, but left the fish virtually untouched.  As did Jen’s friends, who weren’t even afforded the luxury of having reasonable sides to eat.  Jen fared a bit better with her pasta, which was edible, but nothing noteworthy.

Infuriated, we suggested that we not be charged for the three entrees that weren’t eaten, and the waitress agreed.  She did spend a good bit of time profusely apologizing, citing reasons that ranged from the fact that the chef wasn’t working that evening to the fact that the large menu was probably too ambitious for a restaurant of its size.  While her excuses were great for planting your spring flowers, they didn’t really do much else for us.  The fact that the restaurant kitchen couldn’t produce too many edible dishes without the chef was a bit alarming, but the fact that our waitress didn’t exactly do a great job trying to make sure our drinks were filled didn’t really help, either.  So where was the chef?

Ah, I see.  He’s busy in the creative process, Googling the latest fantastic Billy Mays products.  Why not?

I wouldn’t ever, ever, ever go back here.  I ended up stopping by the grocery store and eating a pack of deli ham and some pineapple cubes, which were immensely better than my experience at Bimini Boatyard and Grill.  While Bimini does serve some great bread and soup, I wouldn’t expect them to have either of those things should you ever visit, and feel enormously blessed that we were served any food at all.  Should you happen to be forced to eat here, may Jebus have mercy on your soul.

See Bimini on a map here.

Not Recommended For:

• Vegans
• Paleo heads
• Vegetarians
• Frugalistas
• First Dates
• Anniversary Dinners
• Bar-mitzvahs
• Seafood
• Meat’n'Potato types
• Atmosphere
• Service
• Bea Arthur
• Betty White
• Rue McClanahan
• Estelle Getty

Georgetown is filled with numerous unique concept restaurants, but despite being along the waterfront, the neighborhood doesn’t exactly evoke images of fine seafood offerings. In fact, I can’t think of any place that really emphasizes seafood as the focus of the establishment. Most places here are generally focused around the retail shops, the bar scene, and a scattering of restaurants, each pursuing their own theme and goals. So why not a seafood setup?

Two, in fact.

Hook and Tacklebox are a pair two seafood focused dining establishments; the former, a more upscale dining experience, while the latter is more of a rustic, beach shack, fast seafood type of experience.  Both are owned by the same group, located directly next to one another on M Street, serving two different groups of clientele built upon the idea of serving sustainably caught fish.  A good, forward thinking notion, no?

I went all out for lunch at Tacklebox, starting with the Fish Tacos.  Two tilapia tacos with cole slaw served on warm corn tortillas for $8, these things are spectacular.  Feel free to up the ante to three tacos for an additional $3, and be sure to not spill any on yourself, a disaster I narrowly avoided.  These things are off the hook good.

Fish Tacos

I also ordered the Maine meal: Your choice of fish, two sides, and a sauce.  I opted for bluefish, accompanied by sweet potato fries, mac and cheese, and a bit of tartar sauce to dunk everything in for $13.

Some people might complain that, for $13, you’re not really getting your money’s worth here.  The crispy grilled fish fillet is a tad on the small size, weighing in somewhere around 2.5 to 3 oz, and the sides are tasty, but not outstanding.  To that, you have to remember that most meats in this country are HEAVY subsidized or acquired through non-sustainable practices, so what’s the real cost here?  A few extra dollars towards a few more days in our lives with fish as a viable source of food is worth it, in my opinion.  The mac and cheese here is actually pretty good- a thick, creamy consistency, with soft elbow macaroni noodles, done just right. The sweet potato fries are a nice offering on the menu, but were less crispy and more soggy and limp upon arrival.  Luckily, the fish here is perfect.  Flaky and slightly charred on the outside, tender and soft on the inside, I was tempted to go back and order another fillet.

The Maine Meal

Except I had already ordered and received the coup de grace, their famous and self-proclaimed “Best Blueberry Pie in DC”.  How did it do?

Blueberry Pie

This this is PACKED with blueberries and light on the sugar and other fillers, topped with a thick crust and served on a paper plate, this thing had no chance in hell making it out alive.  I’m no blueberry pie connoisseur,  but this is a damn good blueberry pie, and an excellent way to finish off a meal here.

So what’s missing?  What’s the one side dish that you think of when you picture beach restaurants in your head?  For me, it came down to just one thing, the seasoned and fried bread balls known as hush puppies.  Maybe it’s the the fact that they things are so bad for you that only adds to the appeal to me, but they simply aren’t on the menu.  A conversation with the staff informed me that it was a conscientious decision by the owners to omit the offering from the menu board.  Without speaking to the owner as to why the decision was made, I can’t see how you can see any seafood restaurant worth its salt without them, but then again, I’m sure there’s a good reason for it.  Maybe they’re still working on the perfect recipe for them.  Maybe they can’t find a way to sustainably acquire the ingredients for them.  Maybe there’s an opportunity here for me to run a food cart selling them outside…but without them, I can’t justifiably say that I totally had my cravings fulfilled.

So what’s the cost of investing in the future?  Is it worth the hike in price?  Or can the high prices just be attributed to the exorbitant rent fees of having an establishment in the heart of Georgetown’s commercial district?  Luckily, I was able to shave off half of my meal through the likes of online group-coupon sites like Living Social, so a $30 meal turned into $15 seemed perfect.  Had I not, however, maybe I would have made an entirely different selection of dishes. Still, it’s nice to see that some people are considering what world we’ll have in a few decades, and if they can make taste as good as the fish from Tacklebox, I might just have to do it.

‘Might’ can be transformed into ‘definitely’ if you guys started making some hush puppies, Tacklebox.  Hint, hint!

See Tacklebox on a map here.

Recommended for:

• Pescetarians
• Beach lovers
• Paleo heads
• Blueberry Buffs
• Sea Captain Horatio McAllister

Not Recommended for:

• Vegans
• Vegetarians
• Landlubbers
• Zone Dieters
• Frugalistas