Kale's quite the extraordinarily intimidating motherfucker. I've spent years passing it by at the grocery store in favor of other vegetables or fruits. I know it’s good for me, but look at it. I mean, fucking look at it. It's got this presence, like a pigeon wielding a chainsaw. I shouldn't be scurred of the damn thing, but I still run off like a pansy all the same, off to the tubers and onions.

"Oh sweet potato, you'll never treat me wrong!"

Well no more. After shanking some Whole Payczech prepared Garlic Kale and putting it into my gullet with great satisfaction, I grew the resolve (see also: balls) to try and cook it myself. And you know what?

It's pretty damn good.

So here's my offer to you. If you don't like kale, you can go back to sucking on a tuber, or a banana, or whatever fruit or vegetable you'd like to insert into this phallic joke. No hard feelings.

This recipe was totally stolen from Epicurious, one of the best recipe databases out there, and slighly adapted to suit my masochistic needs. Ready?

Ingredients:

• A bunch of kale
• wasabi powder
• 1 tablespoon of crushed garlic
• 1 tablespoon of sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon of wasabi sesame seeds or regular sesame seeds
• 1 tablespoon of water, preferrably from the polar bear exhibit at the zoo
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• sea salt
• fresh ground pepper

1. Separate kale and break the leaves off the stem, discarding the stem and placing the chunks of kale into a colander. When you’ve separated all the kale from the stems, give it a good rinse to wash off any dirt or grit.
2. Heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a very large pot at high heat, which should happen pretty quickly, maybe one or two minutes. Add 1 tablespoon of crushed garlic, which will pop, bubble, gurgle, and try to attack you. Do not let the garlic intimidate you in your own kitchen. The cups and plates are watching. This is very important.
3. Add the kale to the pot, which you may need to shove down a bit. Add 1 tablespoon of water, reduce heat to medium high heat, and cover.
4. After the kale has cooked for about a minute, stir the kale around a bit so all that delicious sesame oil and garlic at the bottom gets mixed up a bit. Re-cover the pot and let it cook for another three or four minutes.
5. Turn off the heat, and add 1 teaspoon of soy sauce, 1 tablespoon of wasabi sesame seeds, 1/4 teaspoon of wasabi powder, a few shakes of sea salt, and as much ground pepper as you like. Give this a good stir for even distribution, or you're going to get whacked in the mouth with a giant clump of wasabi. Or maybe that's what you want. In which case, I suggest half a teaspoon of wasabi powder.
6. Serve kale immediately! Goes great with a beef tenderloin steak.

A few notes…this recipe would be paleo, except soy sauce is not. Check the ingredient list. It's a shame. 1.5 cups of cooked kale is approximately a block of carbs, so you can totally go crazy with this stuff.

Zone Blocks:
Carbs: ~3 or 4 blocks, depending on the size of your bunch of kale
Protein: 0 blocks
Fat: 6

Enjoy!

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This recipe is adapted from Jamie Oliver's Cook with Jamie book. I'll be totally honest, it's pretty much straight up food porn. The recipes are clear and concise, and the photos will have you dropping your pants and asking you where you pay your money in a matter of seconds. The one problem is that the recipes are made for pretty large parties, so I generally have to cut the recipe in half, and I did just that for the one listed below.

That being said, I had Jen pick out a recipe from this book for me to make for her, and this was her pick. It looks deadly and delicious, and should serve anywhere from four to six people easily. The panko crumbs give it a nice texture to accompany the soft macaroni and the creamy quartet of cheeses. Using a smoked fontina and a smoked mozzarella would really give this one a nice flavor. And really, this recipe is so easy, I'm sure I'll be making it again soon.

Ingredients:

• 9 oz of good-quality macaroni
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons of butter
• a small bunch of fresh marjoram or oregano, leaves picked
• 2 oz Parmesan cheese, freshly grated, plus extra for grating
• 2 oz smoked fontina or taleggio cheese, roughly torn
• 2 oz mascarpone cheese
• 1 tsp of nutmeg
• a small ball of buffalo mozzarella cheese or 2 oz of smoked mozzarella cheese
• 1/3 cup of Panko crumbs

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 400ºF.
2. Cook the macaroni in a pan of salted boiling water 2 minutes short of the timing on the packet instructions, then drain in a colander and reserve a little of the cooking water and set it aside.
3. Heat the butter in a large, heavy-based frying pan. When it starts to foam, add the marjoram or oregano and fry for a minute until leaves start to crisp, and turn off the heat.
4. Add your cooked pasta to the marjoram or oregano butter, along with a couple of spoonfuls of the reserved cooking water and the Parmesan, smoked fontina or taleggio, and mascarpone.
5. Return to a medium heat and toss and stir around until most of the cheese has melted, adding some of that reserved cooking water you set aside earlier. Season to taste with the sea salt and pepper, and then spread it evenly into an earthenware baking dish.
6. Sprinkle the nutmeg evenly over the macaroni, and as to the extent that you can, cut the mozzarella and place evenly over the macaroni.
7. Sprinkle the panko crumbs evenly over the dish, add the sprinkle a little more Parmesan.
8. Bake the macaroni cheese in the preheated oven for about 10-12 minutes until it's golden brown and crispy on top.

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Vegan Cupcakes

Over Thanksgiving, I had to plan for a vegan guest, which led to find this vegan cupcake recipe. They’re pretty damn good, and for having never made cupcakes before, I thought they turned out pretty well! The one thing to note is that you should definitely find some cupcake/muffin tin liners so that the delicate cake comes out of the tin easily. You can also use parchment paper to line each of the cupcakes which not only will help you get the cake out of the muffin tin easier, but also serve as a nice little way to keep a ton of frosting on top of these things like Baked & Wired does.

Cupcakes:

• 1 cup soy milk
• 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/3 cup canola oil
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon almond extract or more vanilla extract
• 1 cup all-purpose flour, I prefer King Arthur brand
• 1/3 cup cocoa powder, Dutch-processed or regular
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon sea salt

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F and line a muffin pan with paper or parchment paper liners.
2. Whisk together the soy milk and vinegar in a large bowl, and set aside for a few minutes to curdle. You won't see it curdle, but give it about 5 minutes to let it work itself out. Add the rest of the wet ingredients – sugar, oil, vanilla extract, and other extract, to the soy milk mixture and beat until foamy.
3. In a separate bowl, sift together all the dry ingredients – the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and sea salt. Add in two batches to wet ingredients and beat until no large lumps remain.
4. Pour into liners, filling 3/4 of the way. Bake 18 to 20 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Transfer to a cooling rack and let cool completely.

This is where using the parchment paper can come in handy. Initially I tried halving the amount of frosting, but it wouldn't be enough to cover all 12 cupcakes. So just be forewarned that you’ll have a little bit of frosting leftover with this (oh right, as if that’s a bad thing).

Frosting:

• 1/2 cup non-hydrogenated shortening
• 1/2 cup non-hydrogenated margarine like Smart Balance
• 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• 1/4 cup soy milk

Directions:

1. Beat the shortening and margarine together until well combined and fluffy. Add the sugar and beat for about 3 more minutes.
2. Add the vanilla and soy milk, and beat for another 5 to 7 minutes until fluffy.

There you have it! Cupcake goodness, right at home. Be careful and make sure you hide these the day after you've made them, or someone in your home might be having a few of them first thing in the morning for breakfast…

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This recipe isn’t terribly difficult, but it does require a little bit of planning. You need to marinate the lamb for at least 24 hours before getting it ready to cook. I went a different direction with this one, being a little bit more liberal with the ingredients, so this might be more paleo than it ends up being Zone. With that in mind, let’s get going!

You’ll need:

Ingredients:

• 4 lamb chops
• 2 cups of cauliflower

For the marinade:

• 1 lemon
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1/4 cup of olive oil
• 1 teaspoon of thyme
• 1 teaspoon of rosemary
• 1/2 teaspoon of salt
• Fresh ground pepper

Directions to prepare the lamb chops:

1. Take the thyme and rosemary off of the stems, and give them a rough chop. This’ll ensure that the flavors get released from the leaves. Place them into a large bowl.
2. Chop the garlic and add to the bowl, and juice the lemon into the bowl. Add the remainder of the marinade ingredients to the bowl.
3. Add the lamb chops to the bowl, and ensure to coat all sides.
4. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Awesome. Now you’re ready to actually start cooking!

Directions to cook:

1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees Farenheit. Place an oven safe skillet, preferrably cast-iron, into the oven while it’s preheating.
2. Take 2 cups of raw cauliflower, place it into a microwave safe container. My go-to is always a nice Pyrex glass measuring cup. That way, you can measure it and leave it in the cup. Fill the cup with water, and heat it up in the oven for four minutes, or until cooked.
3. While the cauliflower is making loops on the nuclear merry go-round, take out the now significantly warmer, possibly even scalding hot skillet, and place it on the stove over medium-high heat. Place the lamb chops into the skillet, and let it sear on both sides, approximately two minutes per side.
4. Once the lamb has been seared on both sides, stick it in the oven for about 10-15 minutes, depending on thickness. My lamb chops were about an inch and a half thick, so I went with 15.
5. While Li'l Bo Peep's best friend is in the sauna, take out the cauliflower and drain thoroughly. You can use a hairdryer, but I like to just put it into a colander and let the water pass through until it stops dripping.
6. Put the now dry-ish cauliflower back into the Pyrex cup, and start running a fairly sharp knife through it to dice it. If you have a food processor, that works even better! I really don’t have the space for one, so I’ll use the trashy hobo method. Keep running the knife through the cauliflower, and eventually you’ll start getting some small chunks out of it. Once you’ve got a size you’re happy with, set it aside.


 



7. Once the lamb is done, and obviously no longer bleating from inside the hotbox, take it out of the oven and place the lamb chops aside on a plate where it can continue to cook in it’s own juices. Place a separate pan on a stove burner, and set it to medium-high heat. Pour in a little bit of the oil from the cast iron skillet that had the lamb into the new pan. Try eyeballing out about two tablespoons or so.

8. Now add the chopped cauliflower to your pan that you put the oil into. Add a few turns of fresh ground pepper, and a few pinches of sea salt.

9. Keep tossing the cauliflower in the oil for about five minutes.
10. Place the cauliflower on the plate with the lamb chops, and serve! I like to have a little bit of kim-chee to go with this for the pro-biotics, as well.


This recipe is a little bit hefty on the fat, but don’t be scurred! That’s perfectly fine for being Paleo.

You didn’t toss out the remainder of that oil from the cast-iron skillet, did you? That stuff is gold. Put it in the refrigerator once it’s cooled down a bit, and we’ll re-use it next week.



 

 

Tuck in!

 

 

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Here’s another recipe that doesn’t take too much prep time, but can be extremely rewarding, and extremely versatile. You can substitute in almost any vegetable combination you can think of, and they’ll generally work out great. For this one, leeks and peppers seemed to be the right combination for this recipe.

That, and it’s what I had in my fridge. So nyah.

What makes this a little bit more fun is the inclusion of Sriracha sauce. Legend has it that many centuries ago, a Thai farmer came across a magical talking catfish, who had inadvertently found its way onto the land, but was unable to get back to the pond that it lived in. The farmer, upon hearing the cries for help from the catfish, ran over to see what was causing so much noise near his farm.

The catfish said, “Please sir, help me! I cannot get back to my home in the water! If you help me, I will grant you any wish that you desire!”

The farmer, knowing that catfish are dirty liars and cheat at Monopoly, took the fish home and fried it for dinner in a delicious Sriracha sauce.

Okay, back to semi-seriousness. If you’re going to make a frittata, you need an oven safe pan. My recommendation is to get yourself an 8-inch Lodge cast iron skillet. Be forewarned that a great cast iron skillet is much like a Waffle House, the greasier it is, the better, just without the lingering aroma of truckers coming off an 18 hour meth-fueled drive to deliver crap to Wal-Mart. These skillets are also super cheap, which never hurts, either.

Ingredients:

• 1 organic red bell pepper (also called holland pepper)
• 4 cage free eggs
• 1 leek
• 2 tsp extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 1/8 to 1/4 tsp tsp Sriracha Sauce
• Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to bake at 350 degrees Farenheit, with the cast iron skillet in the oven.
2. Cut and discard the bottom 1/4 inch and the top green leafy part of the leeks, then peel off the outer layer of skin, and discard that as well. Rinse well, and cut into 1/4 to 1/2 slices. Set aside.
3. Cut the top and bottom from the red bell pepper, and discard. Remove and discard the seeds and center inside, and then proceed to cut the pepper into 1/2 inch chunks. Set aside.


 

4. Dice the 2 garlic cloves, and set aside.
5. Take four eggs, beat well until bubbles begin to form, and set aside.


 



6. Remove the cast iron skillet from the oven and place it on a burner on the stove, with the heat set to medium high. Add two teaspoons of EVOO, and coat the skillet well.
7. Add chopped garlic and leeks to the skillet, cooking for about two minutes until leeks begin to caramelize.

 

8. Add the chopped peppers, and 1/8 teaspoon of sriracha sauce. The peppers will start to loose their color as they cook, and it’s okay if the leeks come apart in the skillet. Keep stirring the vegetables so they cook evenly for about five minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste.


 

9. Push the peppers and leeks towards the center of the skillet a bit, so that you have about 1/2 inch of space between your vegetables and the edge of the skillet. Pour the eggs around the edge of the skillet, and spiral in towards the center. You can press the vegetables down so they don’t tower above the eggs too much. Let the eggs cook for about two minutes, until the edges start to slightly solidify, but you don’t want it all to cook completely through!
10. Using an oven mitt, place the skillet into the oven, and let it cook for 15-18 minutes, until the eggs have set.
11. Remove the skillet from the oven, cut into quarters, and tuck in!

A few notes about this one. Like I said, you can do any number of things to adjust this recipe to how you like. You can swap out vegetables, add cheeses if they’re in your diet, or even sliced almonds for a nice crunch. If you’re going to add cheese, I’d suggest waiting until just after you’ve added the eggs, and then evenly spreading about 1/4 cup through the skillet. Goat cheese and cheddar are two of my personal favorites. I’ve tried this recipe numerous times, and four eggs (or 1 cup of egg beaters) seems to be the minimum number of eggs to get this recipe to work well, although you could probably go up to six eggs in this skillet size. You can also serve this with a side of salsa, mustard, or any other accoutrement that suits your tastes. If you have other combinations that have worked for you, post them to the comments!

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 4 blocks
Carbs: 2 blocks
Fat: 2 blocks

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I know that for some people, it’s really hard to go Paleo, when your body is absolutely screaming for some refined carbs. So it was rather fortuitous that a few weeks ago at a CrossFit competition up in Baltimore, I met Alyssa D. from CrossFit OldTown, who off the top of her head, gave me this absolutely BANGING recipe for Paleo muffins. She in turn, admitted that she got it from Caveman Food, but she still gets the credit for turning me on to these things. Thanks Alyssa!

On a side note, canned pumpkins are seasonal, so if you like these, stock up on the ingredients!

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups almond flour
• 3/4 cup canned pumpkin (make sure it’s the kind that doesn’t have any sugar added!)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 3 cage-free eggs
• 1/4 cup of honey
• 1 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/8 tsp sea salt
• 1/2 cup chopped cranberries

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Mix in everything everything except the cranberries in a large mixing bowl, and mix until smooth.
3. Add cranberries to the fray!
4. Spoon batter into 6 or 7 coconut-oil greased muffin cups and bake for 20-25 minutes.

There you have it! Super simple, and this should give you enough muffins to last all week (not all day). Make sure you grease the cups or you’ll have a muffin FAIL coming out of the oven. Not that it makes these things any less delicious.

I had taken a great photo of how these turned out, but Bigfoot was hanging out in my living room, and you know how photos with Bigfoot in them turn out. Oh well. Enjoy!

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This is by far one of my easiest recipes, and one of the most rewarding. It’s simple, doesn’t require a ton of ingredients, and if you make enough, you’ll have plenty leftover for any unwanted or wanted house guests you may have.

Just sayin’.

So let’s get started.

Ingredients

• 2 lbs. of brussel sprouts
• 2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil, truffle oil, or lemon oil
• 1 lemon
• fresh ground black pepper
• sea salt

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Farenheit, or whatever that converts to in Celsius. Let’s say, 90,000. 90,000 degrees Celsius. (It’s actually 204.4, just so you don’t set your house on fire)
2. Cut each brussel sprout lengthwise, and place in a large bowl.

 



 

3. When you have cut all of the brussel sprouts, add the 2 tablespoons of EVOO, about 1/4 teaspoon of sea salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of ground pepper. Toss the brussel sprouts with your hands until they have a fairly even coat of oil on them. Don’t worry if they’re not completely coated, just get them as even as you can.

 



 

4. Place each halved brussel sprout on a large baking pan face down.

 



 

5. Place the pan of brussel sprouts in the oven, and set the timer for 35-45 minutes. Temperatures may vary depending on altitude, climate, and whether or not you’ll likely be watching a really good show when the timer goes off.
6. While the sprouts are cooking, cut a lemon into quarters, removing any seeds that are visible.

 



 

7. Check the sprouts once the timer has gone off. They should have a slightly browned appearance, but you don’t want them completely charred! Take them out and place them on a surface that can handle hot temperatures, like the stovetop, or a granite countertop.

 



 

8. Juice and drizzle each of the lemon quarters evenly over the brussel sprouts.
9. Tuck in!

Now tell me that wasn’t easy. The lemon juice is crucial here, and gives the brussel sprouts a nice taste. Add more salt and pepper if you need to, but the lemon goes a long way. You can always top your dish with some lemon zest for a little bit extra something, you fancy devil, you. Look at you, cooking all fancy in your ascot.

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 0 blocks
Carbs: ~4 blocks
Fat: 18 blocks

Every 1 1/2 cups of cooked brussel sprouts should give you 1 block of carbs, and somewhere around 4 1/2 blocks of fat.

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I love this recipe because it’s filling and scalable to fit your carbohydrate needs. Feel free to experiment with the portions (1 cup of onions = 1 block carbs, 2 cups of cabbage = 1 block carbs) or even the types of onion and cabbage.

Well, not all types of cabbage.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sliced yellow onion
• 2 cups sliced Napa Cabbage
• 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• 3 oz sausage
• 1 cup vegetable or chicken stock
• Fresh ground pepper, to taste
• Sea salt, to taste

Optional:

Cayenne pepper, marjoram, bay leaf, basil, rosemary, for garnish

Directions:

1. Cut 1 cup of yellow onion, making the slices approximately 1/2″ thick. Set aside.
2. Cut 3 cups of Napa cabbage, slicing the head vertically into 1/2″ to 1″ shreds. Set aside.
3. Turn on a stove burner to medium high heat.
4. Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil to the pot, letting the oil heat up for 2-3 minutes.
5. Add 1 cup of sliced onions, tossing them in the olive oil for even coverage.
6. When the onions begin to turn a light gold color, add fresh ground pepper to your liking.
7. Add a pinch of sea salt.
8. Continue to sautee onions for a few more seconds, and then add 1 cup of stock to the pot. Once the stock begins to simmer, add the sliced Napa cabbage and cover the pot.
9. Set the heat to medium low, and let cook for approximately 15 minutes. Check the onion and cabbage at 10 minutes, stirring and mixing the two together.
10. Cut 3 oz of sausage into rough chunks, approximately 1 1/2″ thick.
11. Once the cabbage has started to steam and soften, add the sausage to the pot and re-cover. Continue cooking for an additional 8-10 minutes.
12. Stir the pot so that the ingredients are mixed evenly.
13. Serve immediately.

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 3 blocks
Carbs: 2 blocks
Fat: 9 blocks

Note: Protein blocks can be added or reduced to meet meal requirements. Red cabbage also works very well with this recipe. Add an additional cup of sliced onion for 4 blocks of carbs. Alternatively, add an additional cup of sliced onion and 2 cups of sliced cabbage for 5 blocks. Another option would be to reduce this recipe from 4 cups to only 2 cups of cabbage for 2 blocks of carbs total. You can reduce the olive oil to 1 teaspoon for only 3 total fat blocks.  Add a 1/2 teaspoon of Sriacha sauce for a spicy kick.

Enjoy!

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After having those fantastic Jalapeno Peaches from Zingerman’s, I thought I’d take a shot at making some of my own. So here’s a recipe that’s not exactly what you’d get there, but a pretty nice dessert nonetheless. Enjoy!

Jalapeno Peaches

Adapted from this Sauteed Peaches recipe.

Ingredients

• 4 peaches
• 2 lemons
• 1/2 jalapeno pepper
• 1/4 cup sugar or sugar substitute
• 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) of unsalted butter

Directions

1. Slice lemons into quarters or use a citrus juicer, and juice into a large bowl.
2. Add sugar to lemon juice in the bowl. Set aside.
3. Take a jalapeno pepper, and cut off the top and bottom. Slice the jalapeno in half lengthwise, and discard seeds. Then cut the jalapeno into the thinnest slices can you make, and place them into the lemon and sugar mixture. Mix well.
4. Cut peaches into 1/2-inch-thick slices, discarding the pit. Add the peaches to the lemon and sugar mixture, tossing gently and thoroughly coating the peaches.
5. In a large non-stick skillet or frying pan, melt the butter over a medium-high heat.
6. Once the butter has melted, gently add the peaches to the pan. Allow the peaches to cook for about 8-10 minutes or until the sauce has started to thicken. Gently turn the peaches in the pan to make sure that they get cooked!
7. Remove peaches from heat, allow to cool for 10 minutes, and enjoy!

The jalapenos give the peaches a spicy red glow.

This should be enough to serve four people as a small dessert or side dish. It’s a bit high both the carb and fat side, but I’ve included the Zone breakout for you faithful Zonists. These go really well with roasted pork! Or if it’s a cheat meal for you, maybe slathered over a big bowl of your favorite ice cream. While they’re not an exact replication of the ones you can get at Zingerman’s, they don’t require the wait in line or the nine hour drive, either. The jalapeno gives the peaches a nice zing, but nothing that’ll really bring tears to your eyes like your late weekend viewing of Bambi.

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 0 blocks
Carbs: 16 blocks
Fat: 18 blocks

SPOILER: BAMBI’S MOM DIES.

Note:  Don’t cry.  If you watch the movie in rewind mode, Bambi’s Mom comes back as a zombie deer.  Everybody wins.

I sometimes wonder if the various terms used to describe a certain method of cooking really are throwbacks to the originating method, or just an ingenious method to keep the intimidated out of the kitchen.  So rather than tell you right off the bat that we’re going to braise these leeks, I’m going to tell you that we’re going to cook these leeks like trashy hobos.  Why?  It’d go something like this.

Hobo 1: Hey man,I found these weird green things discarded on the side of the road.

(aside: In my reality, hobos use words like discarded)

Hobo 2: Well let’s cook ‘em and eat ‘em!

Hobo 1: Yeah but they’ve got all this dirt coverin’ em. Guess we’re gonna have to throw out the outsides.

Hobo 2: Yeah, whatever man.  I’m starvin’.

Hobo 1: And they ain’t gonna fit in our pot, so I gotta cut off these tops if we’re gonna cook ‘em.

(Hobo 1 tosses the leeks into the pot.  Upon deep reflection, he pulls out a battered tin of Extra Virgin Italian Olive Oil that his mother passed on to him many years ago. I know. Shut up and keep reading)

After a few minutes, the leeks start burning.

Hobo 1: Ah crap!

Hobo 1 tosses in some water and covers the pot, letting the leek boil.

Ten minutes pass, and Hobo 1 removes the lid.  They split the leeks between the two of them.

Hobo 2: Hey, these are pretty damn good! Ain’t it a shame we ain’t got no Charles Schleret Riesling, especially that stuff from 2002!

Ok whatever. You get the point.

Braising is an uber-easy method of cooking, so don’t be scurred off by that term.  It means to use both a dry and moist heat in cooking, which is essentially what the trashy hobos in my example did.  You want to take whatever you’re cooking and give it the slightest burn, and then add some liquid to continue cooking your dish.  Easy, right?  Just don’t eat it out of a trash can.

Braised Leeks with Lemon, adapted from Epicurious (yoink!)

Ingredients

• 4-8 medium sized leeks
• 1 tablespoon of butter or olive oil
• 1/3 cup of chicken or vegetable stock
• Zest from 1 lemon
• Fresh ground pepper, to taste
• Sea salt, to taste

Directions

1. Take leeks and cut off the root end and the green stem tops of each one, leaving you with roughly 5-8 inches of the leek left.
2. Peel or cut off the outer layer of the leek.
3. Slice leeks in half lengthwise.
4. Completely soak leeks in cold water for 5-10 minutes, making sure that all dirt and grit come off in the process. Set aside.
5. Rinse your lemon and use a fine grater to get as much zest as you can from the lemon.  You should get anywhere from 1/2 a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon, but don’t worry about the exact amount.
6. Take a large metal skillet, approximately 8-10 inches in diameter, and place the skillet on the stove top.  Set the burner to a medium high heat.
7. Once the skillet is heated, add either your 1 teaspoon of butter or olive oil.  Let it heat for approximately 30 seconds.
8. Add the leeks to the skillet, with the flat side facing down on the pan.  Let the leeks cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally if necessary.
9. Add the stock to the skillet, and spread the zest as equally as possible into the stock and over the leeks. Cover the skillet, and turn the heat down to a medium.  Let the leeks cook for another 10-15 minutes.
10. When you remove the cover, the leeks should have a translucent appearance, and very little of the stock will be remaining.  If there is still a considerable amount of the stock left in the skillet, cover the skillet and let the leeks cook for a few more minutes.

That’s it!  You’re officially a trashy hobo.

These. Taste. Awesome. Try them without the salt and pepper first, it holds up just as well without them, but sometimes, a little bit more flavor can’t hurt.

Unless that flavor is cyanide.

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 0 blocks
Carbs: 2 blocks
Fat: 9 blocks

Note: 1 cup of cooked leeks will give you approximately 1 block of carbs.  I wouldn’t suggest using less fat in this recipe, as you need it to properly braise the leeks, but feel free to add more fat, or alternately, you can cook more leeks and share it with a friend!  Serve it up with your meat of choice, although any cut of pork pairs very well with this recipe.

Braised Leeks with Lemon