Welcome to FunXion. The concept is a restaurant that caters to the health bent types such as myself, despite all the deliciously trashy things I eat on the weekend for your pleasure, as well as mine. The food here is prepared without oils, salts, or added sugars, a unique take, and requiring considerable  creativity in the kitchen to make things that will still pass as delectable to the majority of diners.

Despite these hurdles, FunXion is able to still come out on top. The chips and guacamole are different from your standard corn chips, but not so significantly that you’d stop more than a momentary pause to recognize the difference, and get back to your regularly scheduled noms. The buffalo nachos, with ground buffalo meat, chili, cheese, and vegetables, doesn’t seem to fare as well, with the chips going soggy far before you’ve gotten through the entire plate.

The sliders are fantastic for being a healthy version of a Krystal/White Castle burger. Definitely try the sirloin sliders, and if you’re feeling like a bit adventurous, try mixing up the meats for a double patty slider, such as the buffalo sirloin or the portabello and sirloin. The point is, get the damn sirloin already.

The pizzas aren’t going to make a run for the best pizzas in town, but if you’re craving a pie without the complete wreaking of havoc of your body, I can’t think of a better place to go out and get one in the area. The music was thumping a bit too loud for me to be positive that I heard it right, but I’m pretty certain that the dough is made with antioxidant rich acai berry, something I’d never consider throwing into the second hottest Italian export known to humankind (the first being, of course, the late Bea Arthur. RAAAAAWR.)

Speaking of the ol’ oontz-oontz-oontz, FunXion turns into a lively place for drinks and dance club beats just around 10pm, so make sure to get your food in early, unless you plan to stick around a mingle after. The service is extremely accommodating and friendly, as our server/night manager not only took down our order without writing a thing, but made sure we had everything we needed during our meal, but also simultaneously handled the transition of the restaurant into night-time lounge.

There’s plenty of wine, beer, liquor, AND health food drinks available, so don’t be afraid to try a couple to help wash down that food. And the photos? Sorry. The decidedly pink and red lights completely ruined my shots, so you’ll have to go and check it out for yourself.

On a final note, the prices here are more than reasonable. Jen and I stuffed as much as we could into ourselves and still didn’t spend as much as you’d expect to pay at any number of other places in the city. A huge plus. I’d definitely like to go back and support this business as much as I can.

See FunXion on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Zone Dieters
• Vegetarians
• First Dates
• Frugalistas
• Lean Cuisine Eating Machines

Not Recommended For:

• Paleoheads
• Pastafarians
• Finicky Feeders
• Chinese Tour Bus Drop Off Destinations

The fare here is very well executed, with a strong focus on sauces. The Fricassee of Mushrooms with Spatzle served with a Toasted Baguette and Poached Egg is a standout for presentation and taste, and a great way to start out a meal. This unique dish really melds a variety of tastes and textures well, from the selection of mushrooms swimming in a rich, buttery sauce, to the crispiness of a warm toasted baguette, with a single, perfectly poached egg perched on top. I love poached eggs, the predecessor of  molecular gastronomic gels, the way you can open one filled with a thick yolk to soak up with bread.

Jen ordered the Tomato Bisque with Goat Cheese, Gnudi, and Fried Basil to start- a hearty bisque without the traditional emphasis on cream in the soup is a nice change, and something to warm your soul on the coldest of days. A really fantastic way to start your meal off on the right foot, the whole leaf basil crisp is a nice touch to bring some color and texture to this soup.

Being the diligent foodie, I doubled down appetizers and got the Mushroom and Spinach Crepe with Gruyere Cheese as well. Well, to be truthful, I ordered this as my original appetizer, but the waiter brought out the Fricassee after I had posed a question about it before he took our order. Nothing short of being completely accommodating, he quickly went to put in an order of the crepe for me. Absolutely class.

The downside? The gruyere was molten lava hot. I had to catch myself from forcibly ejecting the first bite from my mouth it was so hot, and rather unpredictably so. Maybe the steam rising from my first incision should have tipped me off. Maybe this satchel of mushrooms, spinach, and gruyere magma wasn’t what I was expecting when I ordered the crepe. I could say maybe about a number of things, but I really just didn’t enjoy this dish and its play on a traditional expectations of a crepe. With the cheese being as hot as it was, it really made this hard to eat, leaving me with a parting gift of a burnt palete.

Don’t let anybody ever tell you being a foodie isn’t dangerous work.

The dinner menu does not offer a wide selection of vegetarian plates for entrees, unfortunately, with the number of options to choose from hovering somewhere around zero to none. The kitchen does present the option of creating something for herbivores, which looks something akin to the plate below. A mix of sauteed squash, cauliflower, green beans, and other assorted garden greens, showered in a generous application of salt and served with a small handful of fresh frisee. The dish still holds an exceptional elegance about it, but vegetarians may find this dish lacking in substance. Not turrible for being an off the menu accommodation, but then, not so great, either.

I ordered the Braised Lamb Pappardelle for my main course, which was exactly as the menu described. Braised Lamb. Pappardelle. Two things I really enjoy eating.

As it turns out, they’re not are things I enjoy eating when they’re served together.

Braised lamb in itself is wonderful, the way the meat tears with a gentle pull of a fork and without the need for a knife, cooked for hours on end to break down the protein structures to make it tender. With pappardelle, I really dig the wide cut noodles, the way that they swim in cream sauces and stick together if you fail to add the right amount of oil. In other words, a giant block of pasta, much like a noodle kugel. But the pappardelle here doesn’t turn out that way, rather, it’s a heaping mound of pasta served in a thin tomato based sauce, piled high with chunks of lamb, pearl onions, peas, tomatoes, fresh grated cheese and chives. That’s it. I didn’t feel like the texture of the wide noodles on this plate were really the other flavors of the meat or the tomato sauce. It was simply a large plate of food, which is fantastic if you’re absolutely voracious, but does little in the way to make you reflect and think, “Wow, that was a really good dish.”

True to Belgie form, the restaurant also specializes in a variety of mussel pot preparations, along with an encyclopedic listing of beers and wine. I can’t say we had a single dish that didn’t at least have some thought put into it, and the wait staff was overwhelmingly accommodating, if not a bit stretched thin covering tables. As good as everything looks on paper and on film, I can’t shake the feeling that this is the sort of place that you go for the alcohol first and the food second, not the other way around.

I’d love to hear the opinions of a Belgian expat or tourist to get their take, but I doubt we’ll ever end up going back.

See Brasserie Beck on a map.

Recommended For:

• Bougie Beer Drinkin’ Bromances
• First Dates
• Mollusk-uclear Gastronomy
• Meeting Your Significant Other’s Parents For the First Time

Not Recommended For:

• Vegetarian Valeries
• Frugalistas
• Kickball League Pregaming Four Loko Fantatics
• Meetup Location to Plan on Rioting After Your Hockey Team Loses

There’s an old saying that I’ll horribly butcher for the purpose of making it fit for my own use. You can take the barbecue out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of barbecue. Welcome to Hill Country, the big city interpretation of the famed Texan style barbecue markets. This New York City based restaurant boasts in-house smoked beef brisket, snausage, and both beef and pork ribs. That’s not to mention their fixin’s bar- a cornucopia of every kind of southern side dish you could think of. Add in long neck bottles of beer, bourbons, whiskeys, tequilas, and plenty of live bands, and you might just have carved out a little bit of the Lone Star state in the District.

A first visit to Hill Country can be completely overwhelming, especially if you don’t know what you’re in for. Patrons are not allowed into the dining area without a card, and you’re not allowed to leave without a card (or a $50 fee for a lost card). So the #1 rule here is, don’t lose your card. Think of it as your meat wallet. Your passport to Meatlandia. Your visa to the Commonwealth of Country BBQ. Everything you order here at Hill Country is going to be marked on this card. Servers have rather untraditional roles here – they’ll take your drink orders and clear your table, but you’re on your own to order and pick up your food.

Once you’ve decided what you’re going to order from the 42903482 menus adorning the walls or on your order card, you can head to the back of the restaurant, where you’ll queue up to the butcher station and pick your meats. Meats can be ordered by the pound, but if you’re looking for a preselected variety, you can order specials that let you sample a number of things for a slightly reduced cost. For instance, the Pitmaster’s Combo gets you 1/4 lb of Lean Brisket, One Pork Spare Rib, One Beef Spare Rib, a Quarter of a Chicken, and two 8 oz sides for $24.

Your meat order is then dutifully wrapped in brown waxed paper, and you’re set to carry it off neatly on your plastic tray. Or if you happen to go with the four person combo, be prepared to bring bag a tray loaded with a enormous bag of wrapped, smoked meats.

The sides bar is loaded with plenty of choices, and the server will happily let you try any and all of them to your heart’s content. I highly recommend getting at least an order of the baked beans and the corn pudding, although the collard greens and the potato salad aren’t too shabby, either.

The smoked meats here are amazing, and they damn well better be at the prices they charge, which range from $8/lb for the market chicken, all the way up to $22/lb for the web brisket. A little bit on the oil tycoon end of things, but I guess it’s cheaper than a round trip ticket to Austin, TX for dinner.

Every order of meat comes with your choice of free bread or crackers, which I don’t quite understand. My group, unable to turn down anything free, opted for the bread, which is readily stocked in completely loaded shelves. My recommendation? Skip both.

There’s no shame in rollin’ up your sleeves and goin’ to town on your ribs with a good slather’n of barbecue sauce without the bread, anyways. The brisket is juicy and tender, and the pork rib is some of the best I’ve had in town. The chicken and beef rib, however, could get a pass from me on my next visit. I’d recommend splitting your order between the two aforementioned meats and skipping on the rest.

If you’re still feeling a tinge hungry after all of that, there’s always dessert. Loaded with everything from bread puddings, cupcakes, cookies, sheet cake, and crisps, I had a hard time making the pick for the “best” options here. Thankfully, I was tasked with picking out three for my table rather than just one, making the job an easier one.

You can’t go wrong with size. So the first thing to hit the plate was the five layer red velvet cake. Standing at least five inches high, watching a slice get placed on a plate is like watching a redwood tree get chopped down in the forest and then slathered in frosting before being handed off to you to eat. Extremely moist, rich, and not for the faith of heart.

The sweet potato bread pudding was an interesting twist on a traditional favorite of mine. Topped with a meticulously melted marshmallow and served in a tiny mason jar, this’ll win over any bread pudding fan with ease.

Last, and unfortunately, least of all, is the house Texas sheet cake. While a good bit more appealing in the case and hovering somewhere between a brownie and a cake, this dessert turned out entirely too rich for the tastes of everybody at my table. The generous scoop of hand scooped Blue Bell Ice cream was a nice touch, but still not enough to save this dessert. Skip this and head for the bread pudding or the red velvet cake instead.

A little bit of country and little bit of rock’n'roll, Hill Country Barbecue is the perfect mix of a little bit of wrong and a little bit of right. While the implemented ordering system is a bit complicated for newcomers, regular diners who haven’t suffered a coronary from regularly visits will love this Texan outpost that sits in the middle of the touristy streets of Penn Quarter. Service is very friendly and accommodating, and you’re encouraged to stay as long as you like.

Better come in those stretchy, elastic banded eating pants of yours. Don’t wanna put out any eyes with a button popping off.

See Hill Country Barbecue Market on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Paleoheads
• Homesick Houstonites
• Brisket’n'Brew Barbecue Bromances
• Legbound Landmark Visitin’ Tourists

Not Recommended For:

• Fancy Nancys
• Serve Me Sallys
• Vegetarians
• Frugalistas

Thankfully, we received a different set of menus at our table than we did at the bar, ones a fair bit more legible. I’ll be the first to say that neither Jen or I would consider ourselves large, or even average sized Americans, but getting into the booth seating in between tables is virtually impossible unless you’re a size 0 as a woman, or, well, a size 0 as a man. I graciously took the chair seating at our table instead.

The bread service is a nice treat, a spiral shaped rolled bun that’s very reminiscent of a super fresh croissant, possibly the best bread service I’ve had in a long time. I’m sure the restaurant is quite aware of this, as you only get one to carry you through your meal, with just a tiniest bit of olive oil to accompany it. The olive oil to bread ratio is slightly disparaging, possibly due to the fact that I soaked up the entire puddle with one deft swab of my bread.

After several minutes of pouring over our menus, we decided to split the fried mozzarella balls, which turned out to be more a duo of mozzarella balls. These aren’t your Costco brand mozzarella digs. You know the kind I’m talking about, heavy on the bread, with a 75% chance of biting into… a hollow mozzarella case. Don’t you hate that ish? It’s like the stupid company that produces them should be selling “PARTY SIZED MOZZARELLA AIR BALLS” instead. Ridiculous.

Where was I? Mozzarella balls. Right.

These are fully and completely stuffed with a warm, chewy mozzarella, served in an sweet, aromatic tomato sauce and topped with just the perfect amount of parmesan. Absolutely amazing, although take care not to inhale these or you’ll miss out entirely.

Jen ordered the baby artichoke salad, which turned out nothing like either one of us had expected, not to say that’s a bad thing. The baby artichokes tasted like a cross between a typical artichoke and a radish, julienned and served with cheese (pecorino? manchego?) and a zesty green sauce of some sort.  A really fantastic salad, unlike any we’ve had before.

I ordered the Crostini of Cod, Tomato, and Oregano, served Fisherman style, based on the waiter’s recommendation. A trio of crostinis, each served with two hearty chunks of cod. A good balance on flavor, ingredients, and presentation, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bit underwhelmed after having devoured this dish. Maybe it was the fact that the waiter said it was possibly the best thing on the menu.* Maybe it was the fact that I was expecting a giant side of cod on a massive raft made of bread.** Maybe it just wasn’t that amazing of a dish.

Jen ordered the Pappardelle with oyster and royal trumpet mushrooms, a complete vegetarian’s delight. This dish carries itself like a meat pasta without the meat. Wide ribbons of pappardelle are mixed with chunks of sauteed mushrooms, then served in a savory brown sauce fit to satiate even the meat-eatiest of meateaters.

I had the Cacio & Pepe, a spaghetti chiatarra served with sheep’s milk based cacio cheese, crushed black peppercorns, and what amounted to a white sauce without the cream. Heavy without being overly decadent, and a well executed spaghetti dish, despite my initial reservations.

We skipped out on ordering desserts, but the kitchen graciously delivered a trio of sweets to each of us, with from left to right a chocolate chip macaroon, a mini gingerbread and caramel sammich, and jelly and shortbread biscuit sammich. All delicious, but both Jen and I agreed on the chocolate chip macaroon being the best of the three.

I’m at odds with the service here. While we never waited too long to order, to have our food delivered, or to have our water glasses refilled, our waiter never offered on a second glass of wine for Jen or bring plates for our either of our two rounds of appetizers without me expressly asking. The service has potential, but still needs a considerable bit of polishing and work. Despite a few gaffs, the overall experience was very good. Patrons tend to be on the well dressed side, so wearing at least a button down shirt if not a sports coat is advised for attending gentlemen. The damage is actually fairly reasonable for an upscale DC dining experience without the stuffiness, and despite entering a sea of Italian restaurants already flooding the streets of the District, I have a feeling that Fiola will do just fine.

See Fiola on a map here. (entrance on Indiana Avenue).

Recommended For:

• Pastafarians
• Vegetarians
• Paleoheads (there’s a ton of meat dishes here, too)
• Special Occasions

Not Recommended For:

• Thriftmasters
• Codependent Carls
• Stripclub-bound Downtown Hounds
• Zone Dieters

* He didn’t actually say that.

** I did actually hope for that.

Michel Richard’s Central (pronounced mee-shall ree-shard’s sen-trall) is an establishment of fancy dishes served in a laid back atmosphere. The intent of the restaurant is for someone who arrives in a tshirt and jeans should be as welcome as the man wearing a sportcoat and pressed pants, but you’re more likely to see the latter than the former in attendance.

The appetizers here vary in satisfaction. Les Gougères (cheese puffs) are a treat if you’re a vegetarian- small bite sized pastries filled with melted cheese that can be inhaled faster than Rick James set in front a plate full of coke.

The Charcuterie plate has a sampling of country pate, La Queceria proscuitto, and assorted salami. Bold flavors really come out in these thinly sliced sheets.

My appetizer, the Pork Belly Confit with a Chile BBQ Sauce, was absolutely knock-off-your-socks good. The thick chunks of pork belly carried a fantastic combination of textures, both the crispy fried tops down to the juicy, meaty sections of belly beneath, all laid out on a swath of barbecue sauce. The price tag on this dish is a bit steep at $3 per bite, but the sheer amount of deliciousness makes up for it.

The lamb shank at Central is no joke, either. I’m always slightly worried about portioning with a dish like this, but Central does not disappoint, with a large portion of lamb, served with creamy corn polenta and fried onion strips, topped with a fresh sprig of rosemary.  The portions of tender, succulent lamb fall off the bone with the slightest pull of your fork, and the rich sauce that tops it makes my mouth water just writing this.

You can’t have a dish like that without a proper paleo side, so I opted for the small cast iron pan of Brussel Sprouts and Bacon. I was dismayed with how small of a dish comes out, as you can see in proportion to the serving spoon in the photo below. I do credit Central for pairing a classic combination of meat and vegetable here, but for a side that’s good but not great, I’d give this one a pass on my next visit.

Personally, Central was my first experience with gourmet burger houses in DC. While I’ve had a number of high end burgers throughout the metro DC area, Central served me my first taste of how a burger should be done. That being said, the burgers here aren’t inexpensive, but if you do pick one from their selection, you won’t be disappointed.

Desserts here are equally as good, such as their Opera Cake…

Or their rendition of the Napoleon Cake…

Or even their Chocolate Lava Cake.

While Central may not be the newest restaurant in the neighborhood, it stays as one that consistently puts out quality dishes with a very good array of choices to please just about any appetite, unless you happen to be a vegan or a vegetarian. Prices are not modest here, but they aren’t exorbitant for the quality you’d expect to get, either. I’ve been to Central on more than several occasions and I’ve never failed to be disappointed with any meal I’ve had, and I’d readily go back again.  The service here is very friendly, accommodating, and helpful with recommendations if you’re having a hard time choosing. There’s also are a plethora of other more interesting options for the more adventurous types, like the Frog Legs, the Sauteed Calf’s Liver with Bacon, or the Lobster Burger (a personal favorite).

If you’re a purveyor of delicious salty meats and, well, delicious salty meats, Central is an absolute must.

See Central on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Business Lunches
• Fancy Frenchies
• Sightseeing Tour Safehaven
• Paleoheads

Not Recommended For:

• Vegetarians
• Vegans
• Frugalistas
• All Of Your Gigantic Plate Needs

]]> http://omnomnivores.com/2011/04/central/feed/ 0 http://omnomnivores.com/2011/01/againn/ http://omnomnivores.com/2011/01/againn/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 11:58:01 +0000 Norm http://omnomnivores.com/?p=1982 There’s an old Irish recipe for stew, that goes like this:

Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the stout. Forget about the stew.

That’s not quite the scene at Againn, the favorite drinking tub for leprechauns and gingers within the District. With a wide array of beers, scotches, and even the option to rent your own scotch locker, who wouldn’t want to drown their sorrows or celebrate their…celebrations…here?

Maybe me, with the whole alcohol dehydrogenase thing.

So to set the focus, yes, Againn has a fine selection of alcohol here, and according to a connoisseur of fine, obscure alcohols, “the 2nd best tasting Guiness I’ve had in this country”.  But my love of food is what brought me here, and that’s the story I have to tell.

First of all, this is no place for a vegetarian. Unless you have an unhealthy fascination for potatoes, you’re going to be set with a very, very slim set of pickin’s.

On the bright side, meat in all and every form is in abundance here.  The daring are especially rewarded, with savory flavors, decadent textures, and pub food at it’s finest offering.

The golden tripe here is, as one can expect, tripey, and a delight to your stomach.

The corned beef tongue is ridiculously awesome. Tender and brine cured, served with a peppery arugula, and served with fingerling potatoes and olive oil, I highly recommend this dish. This appetizer is high on substance and presentation, and the corned beef tongue complements the tender fingerling potatoes perfectly.

The sides don’t come up short with flavor either, but beware, even the most paleo-friendly looking ones can bite you inadvertently. My friend ordered the Welsh Rarebit, which as he mentioned as being as true to his childhood as he could remember, and I ordered the Sauteed Kale, prepared with ham, carrot, and to my surprise, breadcrumbs. Ordering a side here is crucial here, as the main course might serve up a bit smaller than you’d like, or as I did.

My friend’s main course orderd the Heritage Pork Belly and Cracklin’. Pork belly, white grits, mustard greens, roasted turnips and strips of pork cracklin’ as fried as Snoop Dogg headlining at a show, this is a pork lover’s wet dream, and not for the faint of heart. What could possibly make this dish better?  You know the answer to that.

Image Credit: Caanan

My main course, the Creekstone Farms Hanger Steak with Maitre’d Butter, Watercress Salad and Chips, was as every bit as good as I had hoped. Steak and butter and a bit of roughage, with a pass on the fries, cooked to a medium rare perfection.

If you’re out to impress a group of serious drinkers for a night out, you can’t do much better than Againn.* The prices are a bit steep for pub food, but the quality of the food is high, maybe just not as high as to justify the price.

Minus a small debacle with the bill, the service is fairly good on a busy night. With a reservation, there is no wait for your seats, and the atmosphere is vibrant, despite the decision of the owners to keep the lighting bill to a minimum. Noise is energetic, but not so loud that you have to scream across the table. And with as much scotch, wine, and beer there is to choose from, maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

Let me know if you get around to trying out their stew. I hear it’s delicious.

See Againn on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Paleoheads
• Zone Dieters
• Captains of Industry
• Watching the match. “Awright, ‘arry? See that ludicrous display last night? ‘Fing about Arsenal is, they always try an’ walk it in.”

Not Recommended For:

• Vegetarians
• Vegans
• Frugalistas
• Nyctophobics

* One thing to note is to double check the damage, both when you first get it, and after your server’s run your card. I’m sure it’s entirely possible to accidentally add in a random lemonade that pads your total by a few dollars in between after handing in a Groupon, but I sure as hell haven’t ever had that happen before.

The scene at Rasika is one of a city hotspot, much more so after having been recognized recently in the Washington Post’s Fall 2010 Dining Guide as a place to get your Bolly on*. The din inside takes a raised voice to carry on a conversation across the table. A large bar holds up the left portion of the restaurant, with seating for the restaurant to the right, and a small private dining room sealed off by a patterned sliding door.

Once we were finally seated, Jen and I poured over the menu, along with our server’s recommendations. We started with the Cauliflower Bezule and the Palak Chaat; the former, a plate of deep fried cauliflower, cooked with mustard seeds, curry leaves and green chilies; the latter, fried baby spinach leaves served with sweet yogurt, tamarind, and date chutney. Both of these dishes had more spices than a British all-girl pop band, with less unpleasant aftertaste, too. The flavors of the Cauliflower Bezule create a spicy, savory harmony, and is highly recommended. The Palak Chaat also holds its own, serving up a unique blend of textures with the crispy spinach, intermingled with the creamy sweetness of the yogurt, tamarind, and chutney.

Most of the entrees can be ordered in either a small or large portion, depending on your appetite. For our main course, I ordered the duo Tandoori Lamb Chops for myself, and the small order of the Dal Makhani for Jen.

Here’s where things get ugly.

I’m not going to say that the pork chops tasted bad, because nothing could be farther from the truth. The meat was tender, succulent, aromatic, flavorful, and the size of a golf ball. It’s as if the restaurant decided that only the smallest animals could be used for not only their prized deliciousness, but because who doesn’t like cute, minature objects?

People with Godzilla-like appetites like me, that’s who.  People who eat an entire pig and a chicken family for breakfast, and then wipe their mouth on the closest standing…y’know, cotton…producing…animal…around.  What IS the animal cotton comes from called, anyways? I’m totally blanking. Cotton…mastiff. Whatever.

The whole mini-portion philosophy that many haute couture dining establishments follow annoys me to no end. A top rated restaurant should not only be able to produce high quality dishes to delight patrons, but as a restaurant, I feel I should be able to leave with satisfaction as well.

To further highlight my point, my lamb chops (which would have been better described as lollipops on the menu) came with a dipping sauce, along with the Garlic Naan and Truffle Naan that we ordered.  Jen and I continued to talk, and I waited for her dish to arrive before eating.  That is, until Jen started spooning my dipping sauce onto a shred of naan.  Her lentil, tomato, fennel, and fenugreek dipping sauce entrée.

Whoops.

To be clear, entrees do not come with a complimentary side of rice or naan, which both must be ordered separately.  I made sure to check, having ordered an extra basket of naan during prior occasions, only to be served more naan with my entrée.  No such luck here, which isn’t necessarily a good or bad thing, just a fact to be cognizant of.

We were also informed by our server that the restaurant employs a man whose sole purpose and focus at Rasika is to make naan, custom to order.  The emphasis our server put on this fact seemed slightly ludicrous, and to me, a bit odd; myself being a jack of trades, considering someone whose life choices brought him to become a  master of naan.

The food at Rasika is decidedly superb.  Top ingredients are chosen for a staff who expertly combine textures and tastes into a brilliant execution.  Prices are reasonable per plate, but portions per plate are not.  Staff, everyone from the host to the servers, are accommodating despite an overwhelming crowd.  Making reservations should be considered, and even then, you could still be in for at least a 10-15 minute wait.  I would venture to guess that opting for a table full of small dishes and forgoing the entrées entirely would have done a better job assuaging my hunger.**  That would require making another visit to Rasika, something I’d be more than willing to do.

See Rasika on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Soccer Mom Social Hours
• Paleoheads
• Vegetarians
• Celebrity Singh-ers

Not Recommended For:

• Frugalistas
• First Dates
• Zone Dieters
• Hungry Jack’s

*Not Tom Sietsema’s actual words, apologies to Tom and the WaPo, but hey, it makes for good lol.

**Optionally, you can walk through Chinatown and stop into Eat First like I did, and order the pan fried dumplings, and the Chinese Roasted BBQ Pork.

We started out with the Four Cheese Fritters.  Served with a creamy dipping sauce that was very reminiscent of a Thousand Island dressing,  this appetizer (teaser, as the menu calls it) gets your appetite going.  These deep fried morsels contain melted but not quite molten cheese interiors inside a crispy, fried shell.  Highly recommended.

The tasting menu Jen and I shared also comes with a cheese plate-  four cheeses, a chunk of date pâté (no fowl play), grapes, and crackers.  I steered clear of the blue cheese, as we don’t really get along, but the brie came strong with the flavor.  We opted to have it served as an appetizer, to which our server happily complied.

Jen’s first dish, the portobello risotto, was a little heavy on the butter, but then again, any good risotto is going to be heavy on the butter, so consider it just about right.  Topped with asparagus, mushrooms, mixed greens, and fresh shaved parmesan.  This dish won’t win any awards, but it’s a great vegetarian dish, and suited Jen well enough.

Her second dish was the Manchego and Baby Arugula Salad.  Tossed with slices of apple, chunks of oranges, caramelized walnuts, dates, and then a strip of coffee vinaigrette, Jen absolutely loved this plate.  Which of course, means, I’m going to try and make this for her at some point in the future.  Shouldn’t be too hard, except for the coffee vinaigrette, but I’ll figure something out.

My first dish was the trio of Lamb Sliders.  How could you not love these?  It’s like midget wrestling, with less spandex and more brioche.  Three mini organic lamb patties cooked in a coconut and curry sauce, topped with a lime yogurt creme and served with rosemary and parmesan fries.  The restaurant also offers a beef or a chicken trio of sliders, but it’s impossible for me to turn down an order of lamb.

Next, I had the Bacon Mac’n'Cheese.  A dish of baked mac’n'cheese’n'bacon, topped with a crispy cheesy crust, and topped with a stick of chocolate covered bacon.  The combination of sweet and savory really works in favor of the dish here.  There’s a Shrimp Mac’n'Cheese option available on the menu, but c’mon.  It’s bacon.  I’d name my first born child Bacon.

That’s a terrible idea.  Why do you people let me come up with this sort of stuff?

Our five course (four, after the cheese) dessert ‘Nutty But Nice’ tasting menu started off with the churro batons, served with a caramel dipping sauce.  If I had one complaint about these things, is that they’re entirely too small, but I guess I’ll consider that a good problem to have.  The only other place I can think off of the top of my head that sells churros is CostCo, and the ones at Co Co Sala definitely blow those away.

The Rum Caramel Bananas and Chocolate bring a natural combination together, but neither Jen nor I found this one to be very impressive.  The shaved chocolate on top of the rum soaked bananas definitely earned points for presentation, but lacked the punch we were expecting.

The peanut butter cheesecake is a huge win for this tasting menu.  Rich and creamy like an albino Texas oil tycoon, this one is a must for just about anyone without a peanut allergy.  Even then…not a bad way to go.

To finish things off before the final bits of signature Co Co Sala truffles, a small dish of citrus sorbet is brought out to cleanse your palette, perfectly setup for two.

The dishes here at Co Co Sala are at worst, average, and at best, truly a gastronomical adventure that runs from the savory to the utterly sweet.  Our server was great with the recommendations and timing, with only a small slip of forgetting to refill our drinks.  The ambiance here is definitely on the sexy side, so make it a special night out and wear those monkey print undies you save for occasions like this.

See Co Co Sala on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Girls Night Out
• Chocolate Chasers
• Vegetarians
• First Dates
• Anniversaries

Not Recommended For:

• Guys Night Out
• Frugalistas
• Going Into Labor
• Paleo heads
• Zone Dieters

Let’s start with the restaurant itself. An elongated bar presents itself immediately to your left as your enter and approach the hostess stand, with seating for dining to the right. The design here is contemporary, but nothing too flashy or forward thinking to offend the eyes. If you walk straight towards the back of the establishment, you can see a staircase to your right that leads up to a walled off ceiling, which looks a bit odd, but the fact that the owners decided to save the staircase instead of gutting it is appreciable nonetheless. The restrooms in the very back can only be accessed by passing through a secret compartment wall, which plays into the spy theme nicely.

The wait staff here is friendly, humble, and best of all, actually knowledgeable about their food and wine. Jen ordered a glass of something something that smells like grapes to me, which to her, tasted a little off. Now bear in mind, Jen is RARELY picky about her wine, and will drink just about any sort of wine that’s given to her. The waiter suggested she try the Dona Paula Malbec they had on hand, which really impressed her. And if she’s happy, well, damn, I’m happy too.

Zola started our meal off with a chicken liver mousse with a fig spread on a small toast flotation device, compliments of the chef, which I happily swooped in on and took out both in a blink of an eye.  Nothing too extraordinary, but pretty tasty all the same.

For her dinner, Jen split her order between the Porcini Mushroom Ravioli and the Brussel Sprouts with Shiitake Mushrooms, topped with Parmesan Cheese.

The ravioli definitely looks a little on the light side for me, but for Jen, coupled with the brussel sprouts, it turned out to be the perfect amount.  Despite the small portion (and granted, it is an appetizer), the raviolis pack a signifcant amount of mushroom flavor with each bite.  The marsala sabayon helps give the dish some depth, and everything about the presentation makes this a winner.

The brussel sprouts are served in a minature cast iron pan, although they don’t have the char that denotes being cooked in a cast iron skillet, but likely a cook over the range and tossed into the oven to melt the parmesan cheese.  An excellent side dish that isn’t too overwhelming, but a large enough portion to shared with another.

I ordered the “American Hot Pot”, a hodgepodge of seafood and chorizo cooked in a tomato broth, served with a heavily buttered sweet corn quinoa foothill with a bridge of toast.  There’s got to be some sort of metaphor here of bridging something something to the land of seafood and pork, but I wasn’t getting it.  I was getting the heavy use of delicious butter in the quinoa, which likely wasn’t the healthiest of dining selections, but certainly worth eating.

Zola’s “Straight Forward American Cuisine” self-description is certainly befitting to the food here.  Nothing stands out as extraordinary, but nothing is completely disappointing, either.  Many of the other diners there were well dressed and on either a mission to impress their dates, or seeking a special night out.  Jen and I rolled up in our patchiest of patchy granola pants with our hair done up in dreadlock rasta with a single care in the world.  The setting here is definitely edging towards the upscale, and the same can be said about the service.  The food here, however, is above average at best, without being particularly memorable but undoubtedly satisfying.  I wholly believe that if the kitchen took some effort to revitalize their menu offerings with the right chef, Zola could be a much more desirable dining destination.

See Zola on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Out of Towners
• Fancy First Dates
• Vegetarians
• Paleo heads
• Zone dieters
• Butter Buffs

Not Recommended For:

• Gastronomic Gallivanters
• Quick Dinners
• Double Agent Double Dates
• Trashy Hobos
• Fat Phobics

Shit.

Jen and I headed over to their Penn Quarter location to have dinner and sample some of the large number of available offerings on their menu.  I default to the description of ‘American Bistro’ for this type of restaurant because it fits so well.  The food is certainly contemporary but not absolutely at the forefront of haute coutre with flavors or presentation.

We started off with two appetizers, the Hush Puppies served with Maple Butter and the Crispy Plantain Chips with Guacamole.

Hush Puppies with Maple Butter

The Hush Puppies were exactly what I’d been craving for a few weeks now.  Large deep fried balls of dough, although not quite the same as the kind you’d get at the beach on a Memorial Day Weekend vacation.  The portions of the hush puppies were great, but the flavor was a bit lacking, with an absence of heavy seasoning that I expected.  Thankfully, a generous knob of maple butter comes in and saves this dish.  Definitely not the best hush puppies I’ve ever had, but they’ll do when you’re jonesin’ for some with no beach in sight.

Crispy Plantains with Guacamole

The Crispy Plantains with Guacamole, however, was a easy one knocked out of the park.  the deep fried plantain chips came lightly salted and crispy but not flimsy; the guacamole was made from fresh avocado and no added salt, which really pleased Jen, who considers herself to be quite the guacamole critic.  She commented that most places usually screw up one or both of the two factors that she considers to be important, using substandard ingredients, or killing the natural flavor of the avocado with too much salt.  Salting the plantains solves this problem perfectly, and makes them pretty tasty on their own.  Which really, you might end up having to do, because there isn’t a whole lot of guacamole that comes with the chips.  Still, a winner for both of us, and highly recommended.

Wild Mushroom Ravioli, Arugula, Truffle Butter

Jen’s main course, the Wild Mushroom Ravioli, carried the rich aroma of truffles from the butter, and had a nice ‘meaty’ taste to them.  The ravioli itself was delicate and and soft, a good sign of quality pasta.  A perfect pick for her, the dish offered lots of flavor and just the right amount of food for her appetite.  A highly recommended pasta dish for the diner with a light to moderate appetite.

Bacon Wrapped Pork Tenderloin with Collard Greens and Sweet Potato Gnocchi

My dish, the Bacon Wrapped Pork Tenderloin with Collard Greens and Sweet Potato Gnocchi, evoked a bit of a mixed reaction from me.  The bacon wrapped tenderloins were juicy, hearty, and packed full of flavor.  The sweet potato gnocchi were well executed, and a great compliment to the tenderloins.  The collard greens were wilted to perfection, and great on top of the gnocchi.  The only problem I had with the dish was the loads of salt dumped into the sauce that covered everything.  This doesn’t come from someone who readily limits their salt intake.  I highly believe that sea salt and fresh ground pepper are fundamental seasonings, and put it on just about every carb dish I eat.  But this was a LOT of salt.  Not inedible levels, but still a bit much for me.  That being said, ordering this dish isn’t exactly the pinnacle of healthy choices, so I can’t completely blame the kitchen for liberally adding salt here, but I’d feel more confident in giving my full endorsement to it if it weren’t so over the top.

There are definitely some great choices here, but the menu certainly has some less perfect ones, too.  There’s no real way to tell what’s going to resonate with you and what’s not, but my suggestion is to order what you know you’re going to like…and maybe, just maybe, it’ll be one of the dishes that Chef Geoff can knock out of the park.

See Chef Geoff’s in Penn Quarter on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Comfort Food Diners
• Steak’n'Potatoes Patrons
• Vegetarians

Not Recommended For:

• Weight Watchers
• Carb Counters
• Cheese Eatin’ Surrrrrrrrender Monkeys