Spicy. It has to be spicy.

Jen’s words that had us searching for food. Urban foraging, armed with a smartphones and a front desk manager.

Spicy is abundance in Chelsea, more so if you really know what you’re looking for. However, Jen and I were only looking for dinner. We ended up at Rocking Horse Cafe, a modern Mexican restaurant with forward thinking menus.  Galleons of tortilla chips float at the bar, flanked by margaritas and pools of fresh made salsa, just barely making their mark on the scoville scale.

The guacamole is served fresh and extremely fast, almost unexpectedly so. The Quesadillas de Hongos are a delight, with the crisp texture of the tortilla giving way to the fragrant roasted wild mushrooms griddled with warm, melted manchego cheese.

Jen’s Chile Relleno de Hongos was just what she needed. A half foot roasted poblano, split lengthwise, and overstuffed with sauteed wild mushrooms, topped with a charred tomato-smoked chile cream sauce. A smoldering dish of burn your face off hot, topped with flames on a brimstone plate.

My entree, the Cordero Enchipotlado arrived with angel horns blaring. A war hammer sized chipotle braised lamb shank, with a bone that you can take home and mount as a trophy on your desk if you manage to finish the damn thing. Succulent chipotle braised lamb, accompanied by caramelized onions, roasted tomatoes, and epazote atop a generous nest of creamy cotija polenta. I wanted to wave the shank bone wildly in the air, but Jen backhanded me as I started to started to rise from the table with a crazed look in my eyes, narrowly avoiding disaster and bringing me back to my senses. Like you’ve never need a good bitch slapping before.

I recommend passing on the yuca and goat cheese cake as a side- not for any reason of it being bad, but for the fact that it’s lacking in flavor. It did serve as a nice, spongy cake to sop up our respective sauces, but with a plate of fresh tortilla chips, it seems a bit unnecessary.

Prices are extremely reasonable for the city, and I was eternally grateful that we weren’t subjected to tapas portions for our meal. Highly recommended.

See Rocking Horse Cafe on a map here.

I went to check out Mi Tierra Cafe on a recommendation for the best Mexican food in San Antonio. The restaurant is in Market Square, just a little over a half mile from the Riverwalk that tourists such as myself usually flock to for a myriad of restaurants and bars. During the evening, there are few things that give away what to expect inside. None of the patrons were out basking in the 104 degree Texas heat. I couldn’t imagine why.

Once inside, your eyes are assaulted by brilliantly colored pinata and lights dangling from the ceiling. Loud mariachis strum their guitars and shake their maracas, and an enormous display of baked puffs (not the Pauly Shore type) stretches across in front of you. The wait staff is dressed in brightly colored traditional Mexican garb, further driving home the violation of your eyes with everything presented in extra hi-def technicolor Mexicaness.

You adjust to it all fairly quickly, don’t worry.

I was whisked away to a booth, and took a few moments to take in everything from the menu. Six pages of food and drinks, everything from margaritas to meaty plates to 24 hour breakfast options like Huervos Rancheros. I can dig it. I asked for the Queso Flameado and the Michoacan, and spent several minutes fending off the “preview” struma-strum-strums of the roving gang of mariachis.

Shake shake shake. One mariachi attempted to attempt the start of a song. I shook my head, and he quickly scampered away, with even his maracas sulking. Shake.

Mi Tierra gives you a free dish of piping hot tortilla chips, and a nice, moderately spicy yet cool salsa, compliments of the house. If this was going to be a cheat meal from my normal diet, I was going to go all out. I shoved one chip after another into my maw, drinking down the salsa in a single gulp.

Ok it didn’t quite go down like that, but the salsa here is definitely good.

The queso flameado arrive in short time. Not exactly traditional Mexican fare in my opinion, leaning a bit more towards american tastes, this is a giant, piping hot cast-iron plate of cheese, with just a little bit of chopped chorizo to give it a nice smoky flavor. I sampled it with both the corn and flour tortillas, and naturally, the flour ones tasted much, much better. There has to be a better “it’s so addictive” type of analogy for things than crack. Why does everything have to be as good as crack? Are we a society hell bent on making crack the gold standard?

Anyways. Fresh flour tortillas. Crack. You know the drill.

The Michoacan is a plate of carnitas de puerco, or a baked pork tips marinated in orange and spices. It comes with the traditional accoutrements, guacamole, spanish rice, beans, and a tomato and onion salad. These carnitas aren’t your typical pulled pork variety, but rather, large chunks of Porky the Pig. The pork was a bit dry for my tastes and cut with large cuts of fat, which made me wonder if they preparation could have used a little bit of tweaking. Chunks of fat would usually indicate a moist and tender meat, especially with pork.

I’d hate to think that this is the best authentic Mexican food in San Antonio, but I might have just ordered the wrong main dish here. An excellent restaurant would have every dish prepared to absolute perfection, so I could see myself coming back to Mi Tierra to try something else to give it another chance. The service here is more than accomodating, with my waitress coming by every few minutes to top off my glass of water.

You didn’t forget about the bakery in the front, did you? Neither did I. I opted to try one of the various empanadas in front, finally settling on the apple empanada after a long deliberation between those and the mango ones. A perfect dessert after a heavy meal, and something to take back to your hotel room for another day of eating. They also have cookies, cupcakes, pies, candied yams, and macadamia brittle for you to try. Even if you miss the opportunity to have dinner here, there’s always a chance to get in with the bakery and grab something to go.

See Mi Tierra Cafe on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Queso Afficianados
• Birthday Parties
• Soccer Moms w/ a Van Full of Kids in Tow
• Watching Futball at the Bar

Not Recommended For:

• Paleoheads
• Zone Dieters
• Black Tie Night Out
• Your First Real Meal After Spending A Week at Burning Man

Jen and I stopped by downtown San Francisco for lunch on a layover, and we made a beeline straight for one of her favorite Mexican places in the city – Colibri Mexican Bistro.  The restaurant gives off a sleep post siesta atmosphere during the day, and the perfect setting for a rambunctious and lively watering hole at night.

The guacamole here is good. Damn good.  Like trade your sister who made you walk home every day after practice because she was too busy making out with some jock during high school good.  The menu says it’s made fresh at your table, which I never witnessed, but I’m always one to believe that guacamole is one of those rare foods that’ll instantly tell you whether or not it’s been made fresh or from the day before.  Fresh guacamole just has a je ne sais quoi that guacamole savants like Jen can tell whether it’s the not so fresh…stuff.

Anyways.  Behold. The sacrificial stone mortar of guac.

The guacamole arrives with hand searingly-hot homemade corn tortillas and a trio of salsa, which started one of the most beautiful guacamole soft taco binges I’ve ever been involved in.  Well, except for the soft taco binge of ’86 when I had that chance encounter with those midget twins from Wisconsin while high on unicorn meat and absinthe, but that’s a story for another day.

We also split an order of the Tamalitos Colibri, a small plate of corn dough stuffed with Oaxacan cheese and drowned in tomato sauce, queso fresco, and white corn.  The end result was something that tasted like it came straight out of Chef Boyardee’s private recipe book.  Not a bad dish per se, but with a flavor that so strongly resembled something you ate after class in grade school (or college, for some of us), it wasn’t a big hit with either of us.

For our entrees, Jen ordered the Huevos Rancheros.  Two eggs cooked over easy on a blue corn tortilla, served with salsa molcajeteada and the smoothest refried beans I’ve ever tasted.  I mean Barry White smooth.

I opted for the Caritas omelet, a generous portion of juicy pulled pork, wrapped in eggs and then dressed with sala ranchera, served with more of those Barry White refried black beans, Oaxacan cheese, and potatoes.  BAM.  Awesomeness.

And just to make sure we had enough food (in fact, the waiter wanted to make sure just how much food we were getting into here), I also put in an order for the Torrejas Colibri – a homemade cinnamon coated Mexican pastry that’s somewhere between french toast and bread pudding without being either, served fresh berries, mango, and left to drown in a pool of honey agave sizzurp.  Er, syrup.

Brunch here was exactly what I needed on our layover.  Lots of homemade foods, worth the venture outside of the airport that serves up little more than TSA approved reheated meals of flavored gruel, in your choice of consistency.  Prices here are more than reasonable

Colibri’s my new favorite go to spot for Mexican in San Francisco.  Now I just need another opportunity to visit.

See Colibri on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Guac Jocks
• Vegetarians
• Mexican Delights (that’s not some weird nickname for a sex position)
• First Dates
• Second Dates
• Fresh, Homemade Tasting Food

Not Recommended For:

• 21 Consecutive Tequila Shots
• Singing “My Little Buttercup” to your fellow patrons
• Zone Dieters
• Deliciousness Defiants

Do you ever find yourself in the Valley looking for a good meal? I’m talking about the Rio Grande Valley. That is where I found myself famished and in need of a good meal this week. I needed a little luck on my side because I Googled Harlingen’s Top 10 Restaurants, Harlingen Fine Dining, Harlingen’s Best Mexican Restaurants…and Olive Garden hit the Top 10 every time. I finally settled on Las Vegas Café for some local Mexican fare. I did a drive by and kept on driving. Harlingen is sketchcity and this place seemed to fit right in. I drove around for a couple more miles, but just couldn’t bring myself to eat at Applebee’s or Olive Garden. I decided to swing back by Las Vegas Café to check out the clientele. I immediately noticed 2 cop cars in the lot. Eating where the local cops eat is usually a good idea.

I ventured in to this run down dineresque establishment and was told to pick any table. The restaurant was at least half full which I took to be a good sign. Not knowing Spanish was ok. This can be an issue in the Valley. The following night out, I asked my server for vegetarian recommendations and he suggested the chicken fajitas (???). Language issue-clearly. Anyway, the staff at Las Vegas Café spoke enough English to help me out and my meal came out in short order.

The guacamole appetizer was enough for two and very fresh. However, I found the dish to be quite bland. I could only identify two ingredients-tomatoes and avocados. This was Michigan guacamole, not 3 miles from Mexico guacamole.

Guacamole

My cheese enchiladas came out piping hot and with a side of homemade flour tortillas-YUMMMM!!! I know white flour is a no-no, but these were homemade flour tortillas! The cheese enchiladas were fresh, but also bland. I ended up dumping an entire vat of salsa on both my guacamole and my enchiladas. Had I had the opportunity to take this food home with me, I totally would have made little bean burritos out of the leftovers for breakfast.

Cheese Enchiladas

With a 30% tip, the grand total was $13. I would definitely eat here again, but I would pack hand sanitizer and would run a marathon after my meal so as to not catch a case of the fats.

Oh Mexico is one of nine restaurants owned by the V&E Group throughout South Beach and Miami.  This particular establishment was a referral by the concierge of our hotel as a decent place to get Mexican food for a light lunch, but still within walking distance of our hotel.

Now that I was well accustomed to the rules of dining at South Beach restaurants, Jen and I actually caught the Menu Girl off guard to seat us.  Usually it’s the other way around.  A pretty girl who I call, appropriately, the Menu Girl, is used as the bait for most restaurants to lure in passerbys (see also: men) in eating at a particular restaurant.

Having just missed the lunch rush, we got a great table along Espanola Way (where a heavy Latin influence can be seen, natch) for people watching and to enjoy the warm air.  The picnic style tables proudly show their patina in the Miami sun, as weathered as the sunscreen-free faces that skitter along the streets of the city.

Oh Mexico offers a vast array of specialty Margaritas that tend to be on the most expensive side at around $11 each, but definitely don’t skimp on the alcohol or quality.  Jen’s margarita gave me a buzz immediately followed by a wicked hangover just thinking about it.  A little bit light on the quantity, but these drinks manage to arrive as a veritable parade float nonetheless.

We split an order of the guacamole to accompany the fresh tortilla chips as our appetizer.  While it wasn’t really anything to write home about (which, I suppose, I’m doing right now.  Damnit.) it manages to be your standard array of fresh guacamole and a trio of salsas.  If you’re absolutely dying for some guacamole, this’ll do the trick, but given the opportunity, I doubt I’d order this one again.

Oh Mexico’s specialty are their Molcajetes – giant stone mortars filled with tomato sauce, vegetables, melted cheeses, chorizo, meats, and a side of soft corn tortillas.  The stone mortar helps keep this dish bubbling and hot well after being delivered to your table, with an impressive display of Mexicanery.

The meats were well prepared, and the spicy tomato sauce is literally making my mouth water just remembering how good this dish was.  I felt a little cheated in the cheese department, as the only cheese in this dish is about as much as you can see from the photo above, but everything else about this beef molcajete was a win for me.

While this restaurant isn’t going to win any awards, they do make an effort to create a unique dining experience with their own dishes and drinks.  As with most restaurants in South Beach, a 17% gratuity is included in your bill, and prices are a little bit more on the high range for lunch (the beef molcajete was $19).  The scenery is a little less exciting than what you find strolling along Ocean Drive, but the food is still satisfying to the last bite.  I’m certain there are better Mexican places that simply need to be discovered by Jen and I, but to satiate that craving, Oh Mexico fits the bill.

Oh Mexico can be seen on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Paleo heads
• Zone dieters
• Vegetarians
• Parade Junkies
• Margaritaville Mayhem

Not Recommended For:

• Frugalistas
• Mexi-snobos

Guajillo Grill, more commonly referred to as just Guajillo, is a little neighborhood Mexican restaurant tucked away in the same strip mall as the now infamous Ray’s Hell Burger on Wilson Boulevard. Well, famous if you live in the DC Metro area, anyways. In fact, Guajillo is right next door, and if you can resist the urge to follow the legions of people flowing into Ray’s Hell Burger, you might be a little surprised to find out what you’re missing.

Guajillo doesn’t have the big time restaurant feel to it, which is fine with the people who work there as well as the owners. It comes across more as a neighborhood spot to eat, which completely perplexes me as to why everybody there (well, except one new hostess) seemed to know Jen. Eyes lit up when they saw her, and I heard an endless barrage of greetings, welcoming her back. One guy asked Jen to sign a napkin. One guy brought over a baby for Jen to kiss. People everywhere were in hysterics. One person was crying. It might have been me. I kept peeking out the window through blurry eyes to make sure the paparazzi didn’t see us coming into the restaurant. What the hell?

It's a chip and dip.

Little did I know that it’s really one of Jen’s favorite Mexican restaurants, and the food quality shows it. Jen immediately opted for a large cauldron of Sangria, and I opted for the l’eau de dc, only the freshest in local drinking liquids. A basket of freshly made corn tortilla chips suddenly appeared on our table, accompanied by a smoky, medium-hot bowl of house-made salsa and house-made sour cream’n'onion dip. Ridiculously good. So good I nearly licked the dip bowl clean on my own. Various employees came to stop by and chat, catching up with Jen since her last visit several months prior. Her status there is legendary as one of their most beloved patrons, and a photo of her sits near the cash register under the neon light hues at the bar. To say that we got exemplary service would be an understatement, as we were constantly being checked upon or served by at least three people. Whether or not that was because with Jen or if it’s pretty much standard operating procedure might require a visit of your own.

Jen and I both ordered the enchiladas, hers, the cheese filled ones, and mine, the chicken filled ones. Both were great, covered in savory enchilada sauce, topped with fresh queso, and served with sides of Mexican rice and refried beans.

Guajillo's Enchiladas

I clearly did not care for my meal.

The aftermath.

While the chicken enchiladas here are pretty damn good, the cheese enchiladas are even better. After helping Jen take out the rest of her meal, I somehow managed to coerce her into sharing a dessert with me. The sopapillas were enticing, and as I found out, enormous.

Sopapillas

These things are each about the size of a slice from a medium pizza, soaked in cinnamon, honey, and caramel, optionally served with a giant dish of vanilla ice cream. It tastes a good bit like a plate of churros, just with a different shape.

A definite winner. I’d come back again for sure, but like I said, it’s hard to walk past Ray’s Hell Burger like everyone else and get sucked into their burgers. If you’re in the mood for Mexican food, and good Mexican food at that, Guajillo is a place you shouldn’t pass up.

Good for:

• The Three Amigos
• Nobel Peace Prize Winners
• Casual Diners
• Sour Cream and Onion Dip Fantatics
• Things That Go Bump in the Night

Not good for:

• Sigfried
• Roy
• Supernintendo Chalmers
• People Who Hate Knees
• Sabretooth Tigers

View Guajillo on a map here.

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BBQ and steak are specialties in Texarkana, so my dining options are very limited. Six of us decided to head out for lunch and debated where to eat. Half of the city is under major highway construction. If you think the mixing bowl project was rough, this mess in Texarkana is even worse. If you are on one side of the highway, forget trying to go anywhere on the other side of the highway. I made this mistake-twice-and had the opportunity to pass the Texarkana water tower several times. I felt like a character in European Vacation.  As you can see on the water tower, the Texarkana motto is “Twice as Nice”. Twice as nice as what? Laredo? Texas City? Ok, maybe.

Texarkana Water Tower: Texarkana is Twice as Nice as...Anacostia! Woohoo!

One lunch guest had suggested the Ice House, but she was shut down quickly. Apparently, live animals were sold out of that building in the not so distant past. One member of our lunch bunch just couldn’t see eating in that environment. She said all of those animal particles were still floating around in the air. I thought this was hysterical and I agreed!

We set off for Zapata’s. The parking lot was packed and we had to circle like vultures to find a parking space. The restaurant was busy, but our service was great. They tucked us in to a small corner table. I like having my back to the corner so I can see the shooter when he comes in…so the table was perfect! The meal begins with baskets and baskets of chips. They also deliver large carafes of salsa with individual dipping bowls. They did this even before H1N1 (pronounced “Hinny Virus”, as in bum). Individual bowls are perfect because one does not have to fret about viral transmission routes during their fine Mexican meal.

I ordered the Vegetable Enchiladas. My guests ordered the fish special and the chicken fajitas. My meal was probably the least healthy meal on the table. The vegetables were fresh, but there was a lot of cheesy yumminess slathering those veggies. Those who chose the fish were delighted and admitted they order the same dish every visit. Those watching their waistlines were very pleased with the fajitas. The chicken was high quality breast meat with no skin. The veggies tasted fresh and crisp.

I like Zapata’s. It’s not Rosa Mexicano, but Texarkana is not DC. The ginormus dead animals hanging in the bar are a little over the top, but Texarkanians (???) love their carcasses, so this outsider can hardly complain.

The cost for lunch for 6 with a generous tip: $89. I say go.