That’s not such a bad thing, as it turns out that being eco conscious can make for a decent business model, like it has for Magnolia Bistro. The restaurant engages in a plethora of green practices, including composting or recycling almost all of the waste created, using strictly non-GMO soy and grains in all the dishes, sourcing local farms for fresh ingredients, and using recycled materials throughout the restaurant.

Inside, exposed brick walls and floors alongside wood floors and tables lend a certain warmth to the interior, with plenty of local artwork adorning every free space throughout the restaurant.

The menu aims to satisfy the diets of almost all types of visitors: vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, local, and even some love for my fellow paleoheads.

There are a number of interesting dishes to have you salivating before it even hits your table, like the Banana Bread French Toast, which can be ordered as a full plate, or as a side dish, as pictured above. The french toast is made from organic grains and fair trade organic bananas which are baked in house, dipped in soy milk, rice milk, cinnamon, and vanilla, fried to a slight crisp and finally topped with a dash of powdered sugar.

There’s also the Crispy Steel Cut Oatmeal cakes, served here with vanilla cream sauce for dipping. The top and bottom are slightly crispy, as the name would suggest, with a soft, nutty interior, giving this dish a nice textural change from the traditional bowl of porridge like oatmeal, and a fantastic dish to share. Although if you’re eating with me, you might want to make it a double.

Omelets made here still use the highest quality of ingredients with locally sourced eggs and bacon, but I found the order to be a bit lacking in substance and presentation. In fact, I even put in for a double order of bacon on the side just to get in a bit more from our brunch. In retrospect, knowing full well that I’d stray from my paleo ways for this meal, I’d probably opt for a sammich or three as my main course. It’s hard to turn away from choices such as the Open-FaceSteak Sammich (local marinated steak topped with mushrooms, onions, and cheddar cheese) or the Smokey Mountain BBQ Pork (local slow cooked pork made in a house barbecue sauce).

The service here is good, and there are always a number of dishes written up on the chalkboard near the bar that list the daily specials, in the off chance that nothing sparks your interest on the 100% recycled paper menu. Prices seemed to be pretty reasonable to me, but I could see how some might think of it as being a bit on the high end for a college town. Just keep in mind that high quality ingredients don’t come by cheap, and high quality sourced goods is what this restaurant is all about.

All in all, Magnolia Bistro is an excellent place to stop in for an early meal before exploring Burlington, and a great addition to this small college town. It is better suited for the vegans and vegetarians, as evidenced by the other offerings on the menu, but it doesn’t discriminate to meat eaters, which is just fine by me.

And yes, they have pancakes, too.

See Magnolia Bistro on a map here. (Note: It’s tucked away in a multi use commercial building on the basement floor, so it’s a little hard to find. You’ll have to enter through the building doors first and go downstairs!)

Recommended For:

• Vegans
• Vegetarians
• Localvores
• Patchouli Princesses
• Canadian Campers

Not Recommended For:

• Rhinestone Cowboys
• Kenny Powers Powerlunches

* Burlington is the home of Burton Snowboards HQ.

** Burlington is also the home of Lake Champlain Chocolates HQ.

Pete has long since come and gone both in ownership and in life, but the two little Asian ladies that run it these days aren’t short in character or energy. The diner is strange hodgepodge of eclectic decorations, from fake fir trees, spray-painted bamboo decorations, Chinese calendars, police badge collections, even a Buddha shrine, this is everything I’d think of putting together in a strange culture clash of a restaurant and calling it the Chinese American Diner. Even the coffee here, albeit a bit on the weak side, is served in giant Chinese tea cups.

The diner does offer traditional American breakfast favorites, including a variety of omelets. Jen had a Spinach Omelet with Swiss Cheese, while I opted for the Western – whipped up with bacon, snausage, green peppers, onions, tomatoes, and cheese. It’s served with a hefty serving of home fries, toast, and topped with a ‘this little piggy’ sprig of bacon.

Pancakes are also on deck- I ordered a side of Sweet Potato Pancakes to share with Jen. Fluffy, moist pancakes that unfortunately aren’t gluten free, but for most people, that’ll work out just fine.

While nothing about the food or this diner stands out as extraordinary, it does serve as a nice little anchor of dining space to give Capitol Hill a bit more color. The owners are vocal, jovial, and aren’t afraid to get a little friendly- one of the owners started to touch and coo over my bicep, while the other admonished her.

“HEY! NO TOUCH CUSTOMERS! LOOK ONLY!”

As it turns out, the one thing I can’t count on my girlfriend for is to save me from being molested from tiny Asian ladies. Thanks for the help, babe.

All in all, a tiny greasy spoon like this isn’t the type of place Jen and I would go to again and again, but it’s a nice little neighborhood spot, crucially placed right next to the Library of Congress. They also offer a number of sammiches, milkshakes, soups, subs, salads, and amazing meal deals to keep a little extra scratch in your wallet.

Make sure you’ve loaded up on hard currency though, this place runs strictly on cash.

See Pete’s Diner on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Frugalistas
• Paleoheads
• Vegetarians
• Zone Dieters
• Greasy Spoon Gorging

Not Recommended For:

• Black Tie Brunches
• Organic Omelets
• Five Fork Placesetting Feasts

from Mark’s Daily Apple:

Ingredients:

• 2 ripe bananas  (the riper the better)
• 1 heaping tablespoon of almond butter
• 1 large cage free vegetarian fed egg, preferably of aristocrat fowl origins

Directions:

1. Using a fork, mash the bananas to a soft consistency (lumps are okay!) and add your egg.  Mix well.
2. Mix in a heaping tablespoon of almond butter, and you should see less lumps in your mixture.
3. Fire up a large non-stick skillet over medium high heat.
4. Once the pan has become heated, coat the pan in a cooking oil of your choice.  My grapeseed oil is fairly flavorless, so I just stuck with that.
5. Turn down the stove to a medium heat, and drop tablespoons of batter into your skillet or frying pan.  These pancakes are extremely delicate and don’t flip over well, so making about dollar sized pancakes works out best.
6. Let the pancake cook until bubbles begin to form, and then flip over.  This should happen after 2-3 minutes of cooking.
7. Let the other side of the pancake cook for 2-3 minutes, and then gently remove the pancakes from the stove and place on a plate.
8. BAM!  You’re ready to get your pancake on.

Too easy, right?  It really is that easy.  These pancakes go great with berries and a tiny bit of honey on top.  I like mine with a side of pork, and you’ve got yourself a great paleo meal, ready to go.

Makes approximately 10-15 dollar sized pancakes for 1-2 people.

Jen and I randomly came across the listing for Miss Shirley’s Cafe, and headed over to grab breakfast on a particularly overcast and drizzly morning.  The location is on the ground floor of a large office building, with the restaurant tucked away in the back.  The entire lobby of the office building is transformed into a large waiting area/overflow dining area on the weekends, which only added to our belief that we had set upon the start of a fantastic dining experience.

We sat down at a booth and scoured the menus.  Jen, as per usual, honed in her selection, while I continued to pour of the offerings in search of the most cheatiest of cheat meals available.  After considerable deliberation and several days later, we got our order in for breakfast.

Jen’s order of Pumpkin Cheesecake Stuffed French Toast turned out to epic in proportions.  Two giant slabs of challah bread, filled with pumpkin cream cheese and graham cracker crumbs, then given a generous dusting of cinnamon and powdered sugar, served with a dollop of whipped cream and a mini-pitcher of maple syrup.  This dish tasted amazingly good.  I teared up a little bit after having a bite of her dish, and this time, it wasn’t because I had just snorted a teaspoon full of Tabasco sauce (but that’s an entirely different story for an entirely different time).  This dish will have no problems satisfying even the most ravenous of breakfast seekers, although in my opinion, it could use a little bacon worked in there somewhere.  I guess that’d pretty much nix it for vegetarian options though.  You can’t please everybody.

I ordered the What Came First, the Chicken or the Egg? dish. A boneless fried chicken breast on a biscuit, with a poached egg on another biscuit, served up with a ground beef and sausage gravy.  This dish could have been fantastic, but it fell a little short of expectations.  The flavor is definitely there, as is the presentation.  However, the chicken breast was less of a breast portion and more along the size of a large wing.  The amount of gravy was also a bit on the light side for a description that mentions “smothered”, and simply did not come in a large enough portion to accommodate two biscuits in the order.  Luckily, me being me, I was prepared for such an event to occur.

Did I mention I’m a huge glutton?  Or have you just figured that out by now?

Miss Shirley’s also offers a short stack order of any of their specialty pancakes, and I felt it necessary strictly for restaurant review purposes to try one of their specialty pancake orders.  I ordered the Cinnamon Danish Pancakes- two enormous pancakes coated in cinnamon and sugar, and then coated with a cream cheese icing, served with whipped cream and maple syrup, just in case you weren’t sure that you’d be getting enough sugar here to put you in a diabetic coma for the next two weeks.  I have to say that these fit right up with my opinion of Jen’s french toast…amazing.  The only way to make them better?  Find a way to infuse bacon in there.  Really though, these pancakes were off the chain good.

Service is quick and courteous, and my cup of coffee was rarely left empty.  I can vouch for their pancakes and french toast, but the lilliputian chicken breast portion left something to be desired.  That being said, the pancakes combined with the breakfast dish I ordered sufficiently filled me up, but not everybody is going to order like that.

If you’re in Baltimore and looking for a good breakfast or brunch, look no further.  Miss Shirley’s is a win in my book, and I anxiously look forward to another opportunity to eat up there again.

Miss Shirley’s Cafe has two locations in Balitmore.  See the Inner Harbor location on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Casual Breakfasts
• Vegetarians
• Lazy Saturdays
• Slothlike Sundays
• An alternative to the megachains along the Inner Harbor
• Tiger Woods, looking for an alternative to Perkins

Not Recommended For:

• Carbaphobes
• People with Diabeetus
• Paleoheads
• Zone Dieters
• Velociraptors
• Robocop

The front half the restaurant is filled with small tables for dining, while the other half holds a long display case of fresh baked goods and samples of the dishes offered.  The line forms just to the left of the display case with the register at the very back, giving you plenty of time to ogle and salivate over croissants, brioches, quiches, and fruit pastries.  I was intent on staying focused with my diet for this meal, so I quickly eyed the omelets on the menu.  They also offer to cook your eggs any way you want, but they omelets here are huge.  Coupled with the fact that prices are very reasonable, and gratuity is completely optional rather than automatically ratcheting up your bill an additional 17%, it’s hard not to declare this one of the better options for a daily zone or paleo breakfast.

All breakfast and brunch options come with a small salad and a chunk of house made french bread, but  tossing the bread and adding a generously portioned fruit salad to your order will have you good to go for hours until lunchtime.  The omelets here aren’t as unique or exotic as some places in Miami, but realistically, sometimes you just want a simple breakfast that is still well prepared and served to your table post haste.  La Provence accomplishes just that.

The salads here great, too.  I had the Chef Salad with no dressing and a side of oil & vinegar for lunch on a separate occasion, and was equally satisfied with my choice.  Not award winning, but still, easily a good value and something for those who are trying to keep their diet on the rails.

If you’re in South Beach looking for an alternative to the hundreds of pizza parlors and sandwich shoppes, this is it.

See La Provence on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Vegetarians
• Vegans
• Paleo heads
• Zone Dieters
• Frugalistas
• Cheese Eatin’ Surrender Monkeys

Not Recommended For:

• First Dates
• Screaming Children
• Screaming Adults

I’ll be upfront in saying that I’m extremely wary of the restaurants that sit nestled upon each other along Miami’s South Beach on Ocean Drive. I see them as tourist traps, thieves, charlatans, crooks, and slackers. And those are just the compliments I have for them. I’ve had numerous poor experiences, to the point where I’ll avoid eating along the famed street of rented Aston Martins (they really do rent Aston Martins to park in front of their restaurant and draw in onlookers) and convertible Seabrings (the tourist/businessman who upgraded his Hertz, but didn’t go all out on the uber premium Corvette ZR6).

So on this trip, Jen convinced me that my views of the restaurants on Ocean Drive just needed the right guide.  She happened to be it.  We searched around a bit and settled on the Front Porch Cafe.  We arrived at the empty hostess stand, behind a couple already waiting for table.  Several of the wait staff hovered underneath the giant faded awning, a dull off white plastic that bore the age of numerous days underneath the beating Florida sun.  The bored look on the staff’s faces annoyed me, as they were clearly not in any major effort to do anything beyond taking orders and bringing out the food.  Luckily, a few diners were wrapping up their meals and promptly left, opening up tables both for the couple ahead and us.

Jen and I were seated at a table and given our menus to peruse.

Let me rephrase that.

Jen and I were seated at a table for six, made up of three tables meant to seat two per table.  With the tip included in every bill, what’s the need to put in the extra effort of seating another couple at at the opposite end of the six seater?  Why put in the extra work?

Annoyed with the inefficiency, I was placated by the fact that the Front Porch Cafe serves breakfast and brunch plates well into the afternoon.  Our waiter, likely the brightest and hardest working of the lot, came by quickly and took our orders for tap water, as well as a mojito for Jen.  He quickly returned with our drinks, and we each ordered an omelet,  with me adding the request that I’d like a side of pancakes.

“We don’t do that here,” he said.

“Do what?” I asked.

“We don’t sell sides of pancakes.”

“Oh that’s fine. I wanted the full order of ‘em.”

You’re about to see something REAL special here, I thought to myself.

We enjoyed the view at our table- the cars blasting bass heavy beats driving by; the crest of the dunes of South Beach across the street; and the ever so popular characters that strutted along Ocean Drive.  Ocean Drive is home of some of the weirdest people you’ll ever see.  I even saw a man dressed as a slice of pizza walk by.  True story.

Our food came by quickly, and surprisingly, it looked amazing.

Jen’s Santa Fe Omelet was packed with refried beans, onions, and cheese in a giant fold of eggs, covered with fresh chopped cilantro and line, coupled with a large dish of fresh fruit and toast.

My Chicken Satay Omelet was no slack either.  Stuffed with chopped lettuce, chicken, peanut satay sauce and also served with fruit and toast, I was already unraveling my tight grip of hate hate hate of Ocean Drive’s restaurants.

The real killer here?

Two enormous wholewheat, oatmeal and chocolate chip pancakes, with enough fiber to knit a large winter jacket (I know that’s not what it is, I’m on a roll here, leave me alone) and even more fruit to boot.

Why did I even hold animosity towards these places in the first place?

The omelets were excellent.  Each full of flavor and totally unique.  I really enjoyed my chicken satay omelet, enough to the point where I’ll have to try making it sometime on my own.  Jen also polished off hers, and helped me hack away at the pancakes.  These pancakes are definitely not light fare!  Dense enough to blot out the sun and soak in lots of syrup, these things were delicious.  I’m a little ashamed to say that I couldn’t finish them, even with Jen’s help, but that’s more of an accreditation to the restaurant knowing my voracious appetite.

In retrospect, perhaps it was my lack of understanding of restaurants in South Beach operate that led to such poor experiences. There are a couple of rules you should understand, and hopefully, these will make your dining experience better, should you eat there:

1. Always specify that you want Miami’s finest water on tap when they ask you if you’d like sparkling or flat, so you don’t get an $8 bottle of Evian dropped by your table.
2. Gratuity is always included in the bill.  You should be more surprised if it’s not, and when the tip’s already in the bill, you should expect service that suits that sort of system.
3. Get a table outside.  You’re likely not paying a premium for the food or service, but the fantastic people watching of pedestrians walking by.  You’ll see some of the most amazing things clopping along.  My personal favorite?  A girl in her early 20′s strutting her high heels in tights…painted like denim.  I mean painted on pocket, painted seams, everything.

If you’re looking for a breakfast to take in some food, drinks, and the scenery, this is it.  Our waiter here was pretty attentive, which also made me relent on my negative impression.  Maybe there are spots along Ocean that aren’t so bad, but I’ll take them on a case-by-case basis.

See Front Porch Cafe on a map here.

Recommend For:

• Voyeurs
• Anthropologists
• Vegetarians
• Paleo heads
• Hangovers

Not Recommended For:

• Carb Counters
• Penny Pinchers
• Quick Meals

Blue Moon Diner is much like one of the first girls you kissed in high school – unpretentious, fun, and filled with all sorts of liquor.  By day, it serves as a local trough for the masses, with the four hallmarks of any good diner worth its salt : a kitchen half obscured by two swivel doors, shelves covered in an assortment of liquors, bar seating at a long formica bar that extends the length of the establishment, and several tables of seating, for those who have to have a proper dining experience when they’re eating out.

But who cares about any of that?

What brought me here on a sunny winter afternoon is the promise of the most impressive looking pancakes this side of the of the Mississippi.  I could care less about the shelves upon shelves of Elvis memorabilia, carelessly shelved wherever there was space, or the two elvish waitresses, scuttling about the floor, armed with pots of hot java, dressed in tattoos and makeup.

Which is not to discredit the coffee here.  It’s nothing to write about in your correspondences to you friends in Tokyo, but it’s good enough to keep you warm and asking for refills again and again.

That’s not to discredit the omelets here, either.  Three eggs with a cheese of your choosing (cheddar, feta, swiss, provolone, gouda, $1.00 for aged parmesan, blue, or goat cheese) and any number of other toppings available (tomato, red onion, sweet peppers, spinach, zucchini, button mushrooms, or sour cream at $0.50 each, or bacon, ham, sausage, wild mushrooms, and salsa at $1.00 each), I was very happy with my order, a simple omelet with gouda, served with hashbrowns and toast.  It’s refreshing to go to a diner that offers so many ways to make exactly what you want, that strays from the typical selection of toppings you’d find at most other diners.

But as I had previously mentioned, what I’m here are for the pancakes.  Three buttermilk griddle pancakes, served with powdered sugar.  These pancakes were well above my expectations – fluffy, buttery, Homer pancakes.

Yes.  Homer pancakes.  Or as I’d like to call them, ‘Auuughghghghghghghggh’.

Apparently the cook behind those swivel doors has a rack of stencils, everything from George Costanza to Dr. Dre to, well, the most beloved dysfunctional father on prime time television.  The sheer novelty brought me in to Blue Moon Diner, but the batter they use for these hot griddle pancakes is off the chain good.  So much so that I wouldn’t hesitate to say I’d happily go back there on my next trip to Charlottesville just to have these pancakes again.

Blue Moon has long hours and an even longer menu selection, which can be seen here.  The staff is friendly and the owner can strike up a good conversation with just about anyone.  Quirks are in abundance here, but in a good way…and isn’t that what makes a restaurant great? Stop by, and tell them Norm sent you. They’ll give you a weird look, because they have no fucking clue who I am, but hey, at least you’ll get a good meal out of it.

Blue Moon Diner can be found on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Greasy spoon lovers
• Simpsons fanatics
• Hangovers
• Vegetarians
• Paleo heads
• Zone Dieters

Not Recommended For:

• Vegans
• Copyright Infringement Lawyers
• Weight Watchers
• Germaphobes