Barton G

As we grow older, it seems to each of us that time passes in our lives at an exponential rate.  The truth of the matter is that our experiences become repetitive, and our minds filter out the mundane and normal.  Our first experiences are the ones that stand out over time, with each proceeding memory something that is subconsciously categorized as less of a memory but just a day as ordinary as other.  You’ll likely remember your first day of school, your first kiss, your first year of college, your first of everything, rather than your second, third, etc.  It is how we have evolved, learning from our first experiences to adapt to everything that live has in store for us thereafter.

With meals and restaurants, your mind works the same.  If you can remember certain food experiences, it was because that meal was in some way or form novel to you, and it “sticks out” among the crowd.

Barton G is one of those places that happens to stick out in my mind.  While it is formally called Barton G, the Restaurant, I would say that a more suitable name is Barton G, the Experience.  Nothing less would describe the meal you eat here, and Jen, having known this, picked this particular place for one of our last nights in Miami.

The restaurant itself is far and away from the busy lights and bustling streets of South Beach, tucked away like a forgotten love letter in the residential streets of South Beach.  I actually questioned Jen at several points whether we were actually in the right place, because there were literally no signs of any sort of business establishments for several blocks.  We finally turned a corner, and under dim lights, was the sign and entrance for Barton G.

The outside seating, if available, is by leaps and bounds better than sitting indoors.  Lush foliage surrounds you, as if you’ve been somehow transported to a secluded tropical destination, free of smoke monsters and mosquitoes.  We lucked out, without a heavy din of patronage that evening, and treated like royalty by our server, doting on our every question and order.

The menu reads like a sly inside joke, with quirky names for every dish offered.  Stabbing wildly in the dark, I opted for the Coconut Crusted Voodoo Shrimp, while Jen started with the Truffe-licious Cream of Cauliflower Soup.

The Coconut Crusted Voodoo Shrimp comes stuffed with crabmeat and a Japanese seaweed salad, served like lollipops in a ominous smoking brew and coupled with a Pineapple and Mango Chutney.  Photos simply do not do this dish justice, as it bubbled like a witch’s cauldron for most of the time it took me to finish these.

Best of all?  These are paleo.  If only all my paleo meals were this good.

Jen’s bowl of soup was less a bowl and more of a vat of Cream of Cauliflower Soup.  Standing at nearly 12 feet tall (or maybe a little bit less than that),  this was quite a heavy dish.  Rich and teeming with truffle flavor, I was enlisted to help Jen and take a few spoonfuls of this myself.  Not quite paleo because of the cream here, but very vegetarian, and even better, something that’s perfect for her given Jen’s affections for cauliflower.

For her main course, Jen ordered the Veg-G-Nocchi.  A fully vegetable themed dish served in a miniature wheelbarrow, the presentation was as good as the dish itself.  The “grass” are actually fresh sprouts, and fully edible, if not a bit …sprouty.  The ricotta gnocchi was very reminscent of my experience of gnudi-  soft, chewy, and soaked in the flavor of the creamy cauliflower puree, sauteed vegetables, and sunchoke chips.  Not as heavy as the preceding dish, but so good Jen couldn’t resist taking the whole thing down.

Courteously, the staff offered to remove the dish out of the wheelbarrow so she didn’t feel like she was eating right out of a feedbag on a farm.  That’s something more along my lines than hers.  What, you’ve never worked through lunch and strapped a feedbag to your face?

My entree, dubbed “This Little Piggy”, was a generous celebration of what the pig has to offer.  A large grilled pork chop on a bed of spaetzle, served with braised pork belly, a copper pot full of creamy brussel sprouts soaking in bacon and a dish of fresh apple puree, this is a pig lover’s dream.  The braised pork belly stands out as nothing short of spectacular.  the grilled pork chop, cooked to request, is succulent, juicy, and an eager recipient of a generous dollop of apple puree.  Spaetzle is actually an egg noodle, so unfortunately not quite paleo, but too hard to pass up.  The chewy texture and buttery taste resonated well with me, and paired with the cuts of pork, an unstoppable assault on my palette.  Amazing.  Even the brussel sprouts were fantastic.  Hearty and cooked to perfection, nothing on this dish did not perfectly complement everything else on stage.

And the dish?

Of course it’s served on a giant wooden pig.

Surprisingly, the two of were begging for mercy at the presentation of the dessert menu.  Each of the desserts enticed us, and the display of a 18″ giant ball of cotton candy to an adjacent table informed us that we were probably better off for not having gone the distance.

While the damage is a bit steep and might temporarily give you a bit of double vision, Barton G is nothing short of a first experience, and well worth the coin, in my opinion.  If I had a single complaint during our entire meal, well, it was the fact that it started to rain as we were leaving.  But that just leaves something for improvement when we go back, right?

Barton G can be seen on a map here.

Recommended For:

• Gastronoms
• Vegetarians
• Paleo heads
• Porker’s Delight

Not Recommended For:

• Zone Dieters
• Frugalistas
• Plain Janes