As a disclaimer, I’ve covered this place before, but I felt it deserved it’s own writeup.

Baked & Wired is a little shop just off M St., the main road that cuts through Georgetown in DC. It doesn’t particularly stand out with its storefront sign, mostly discernible with the bright ass neon Barbie pink Huffy parked out front. How the hell can you miss that thing? If aliens decided to attach Earth starting with Georgetown (if aliens attacked Earth the should start with Georgetown), they’d probably see how bright this bike is and get scurred off from the intensity.

Baked & Wired's storefront. Check for cryptic Masonic writings in chalk on the brick outside.

Once you’re inside, you’ll notice that the place is split into the coffee bar on the right, and the baked goods extravaganza on the left. The coffee bar offers every sort of caffeinated drink you could want, and a host of quiches as well.

The real draw of this place, though, are the cupcakes. Pharaohs have traveled halfway across the world for these cupcakes. Michael Jackson gave up the other white rhinestone glove for the last Pretty Bitchin’ Cupcake before his passing. Axl Rose was given a charity cupcake if he promised to never to release another Guns’N'Roses album after Chinese Democracy.

True stories. That’s how good these things are.

Cupcakes make a better display that severed heads. Happy Halloween!

Jen and I popped in for our Sunday morning cupcakes. We split two between us, the Spice cupcake, which had hints of Chai, and the Pumpkin cupcake, both of which are seasonal cupcakes that aren’t in the regular rotation.

Spice Cupcake

Both of the cupcakes were phenomenal, although the Pumpkin cupcake had a better serving of frosting on top, and a much moister cake base. The Spice cupcake held it’s own, although was slightly less satisfying of the two.

If you’re ever in Georgetown or are looking for a good cupcake, I would say you’d be pretty hard pressed to find a better one that the ones at Baked and Wired. You can view them on a map here.

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I love this recipe because it’s filling and scalable to fit your carbohydrate needs. Feel free to experiment with the portions (1 cup of onions = 1 block carbs, 2 cups of cabbage = 1 block carbs) or even the types of onion and cabbage.

Well, not all types of cabbage.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sliced yellow onion
• 2 cups sliced Napa Cabbage
• 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• 3 oz sausage
• 1 cup vegetable or chicken stock
• Fresh ground pepper, to taste
• Sea salt, to taste

Optional:

Cayenne pepper, marjoram, bay leaf, basil, rosemary, for garnish

Directions:

1. Cut 1 cup of yellow onion, making the slices approximately 1/2″ thick. Set aside.
2. Cut 3 cups of Napa cabbage, slicing the head vertically into 1/2″ to 1″ shreds. Set aside.
3. Turn on a stove burner to medium high heat.
4. Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil to the pot, letting the oil heat up for 2-3 minutes.
5. Add 1 cup of sliced onions, tossing them in the olive oil for even coverage.
6. When the onions begin to turn a light gold color, add fresh ground pepper to your liking.
7. Add a pinch of sea salt.
8. Continue to sautee onions for a few more seconds, and then add 1 cup of stock to the pot. Once the stock begins to simmer, add the sliced Napa cabbage and cover the pot.
9. Set the heat to medium low, and let cook for approximately 15 minutes. Check the onion and cabbage at 10 minutes, stirring and mixing the two together.
10. Cut 3 oz of sausage into rough chunks, approximately 1 1/2″ thick.
11. Once the cabbage has started to steam and soften, add the sausage to the pot and re-cover. Continue cooking for an additional 8-10 minutes.
12. Stir the pot so that the ingredients are mixed evenly.
13. Serve immediately.

Zone Blocks:
Protein: 3 blocks
Carbs: 2 blocks
Fat: 9 blocks

Note: Protein blocks can be added or reduced to meet meal requirements. Red cabbage also works very well with this recipe. Add an additional cup of sliced onion for 4 blocks of carbs. Alternatively, add an additional cup of sliced onion and 2 cups of sliced cabbage for 5 blocks. Another option would be to reduce this recipe from 4 cups to only 2 cups of cabbage for 2 blocks of carbs total. You can reduce the olive oil to 1 teaspoon for only 3 total fat blocks.  Add a 1/2 teaspoon of Sriacha sauce for a spicy kick.

Enjoy!

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I’ve had several people ask me what my daily diet entails. It’s really a personalized hybrid. It can be broken out into four components. On one part, I loosely follow the Zone Diet- I’m not uberstringent on my portions, but I do get all my carbs from vegetables and fruits during the work week. The second part is that I also incorporate the Paleo Diet, excluding dairy, legumes, sugars, and grains from my normal eating habits. The third part is that I try to space out my eating equally throughout the day, so I’m constantly eating small meals to sustain my energy levels, usually anywhere between 2 and 4 hours between meals or snacks. The last part is based on the teachings of Robb Wolf, the lead nutritionist at CrossFit HQ. He recommends a high carb (high GI content), no fat meal immediately post workout to help aid in recovery. If you’re interested in finding out more, or anything that I talk about regarding the Zone and the Paleo Diets, I HIGHLY recommend you reading through his FAQ for some basic info, even if you’re not someone who consider themselves active.

The majority of my meals during the week are pretty simple, partially due to the fact that I end up preparing so many meals without the luxury of having the proportional amount of time to make something delicious and aesthetically pleasing. This leads to a lot of compartmentalization of my meals, usually in the form of a bag full of plastic containers.

So I thought I’d give you some insight into what my diet today looks like. For some background information, I’m at 15 blocks for the Zone Diet, with 3x the fat allowance for my activity level. With anyone who participates in a sport or is highly active (checking the mail three times a day does not count as active, unless your mailbox is in a different zip code and you walked to get to it. Uphill. Both ways.), there is a wide held understanding that you can multiply your amount up to 5x, although 5x fat is generally reserved for those with a very high metabolic rate, and 2x or 3x the fat being the norm for anybody that works out 3-5 times a week.

So as I mentioned earlier, there are four components of my diet. The last component, is the carb deletion. I remove 33% of my daily carb intake, getting my body’s energy through ketosis and a higher fat intake. With every block of carbohydrate that you remove, you can add in 3 blocks of fat to substitute in, down to a MAX of 50% of carbohydrate reduction.

Did I lose you?

So with a 33% reduction of carbs from 15 blocks, that takes me down to 10 blocks of carbs daily. (10 blocks of carbs)

I maintain the same approximate amount of protein, although I’m not too concerned with precisely weighing and measuring it out, I try to get it as close as possible. (15 blocks of protein)

I said that I’m 3x fat (3 x 15 = 45) plus the 5 blocks of carb reduction in which I can add to my blocks of fat (5 x 3 = 15). (60 blocks of fat)

This diet might not be the most efficient at building significant muscle mass, or optimizing fat loss, or any number of things. It might seem complicated, but with all kinds of diets, it becomes easier and fairly routine once you get the hang of it. I’ve heard of of diets that are plenty more complicated than mine. But really, as I’ve said before, it’s a diet that works for me. So what’s your diet like? What are some things that you’ve found to help you achieve your goals? What are some other questions you have regarding the way I eat? Improvements? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

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Thai Tanic is a cozy (see also: tiny) Thai restaurant on 14th St in Northwest DC that stands out with its enormous red sign. The area has seen numerous renovations and commercial tenants that have made a nice little neighborhood to explore, and can’t have a solid urban neighborhood without the following:

1. At least two coffee houses within a 2 mile radius
2. A proper Thai restaurant
3. A tranny named Phil…Philassandra whom you know on a first name basis

So! Thai tanic is an integral part of the 14th street corridor, and the area would be just another hot, caffeinated tranny mess without it.

The decor is pretty basic for a Thai restaurant. There is always some sort of underwater theme, as if the Thai people believe they are descendants of Mermaids and Mermen.

Seriously. Tell me you’ve ever been in a Thai restaurant that doesn’t have sparkly/glitter countertops, some sort of underwater theme, and waitresses in snorkels, and I’ll tell you that you’re a dirty effin’ liar, or that my theory is based on hilarity and not hard science.

The wait staff is friendly here, and Thai Tanic seems to be a local restaurant rather than a much hyped of-the-moment type place, which makes the atmosphere a good deal more relaxing.

There are a number of vegetarian appetizers and entrees, which are great in offering Jen some choices, although she always goes for her favorite, the Drunken Noodles with tofu. It’s a solid dish, and more often than not, there’s enough for her to box up and take home for another meal.

Drunken Noodles

I have a bit of a harder time picking through the choices, but I generally end up with a curry dish. So I had the chicken in yellow curry, with tomatoes and green peppers. It’s nothing too spicy here, your typical thai curry dish, but it takes out that Thai craving that I get every so often.

Chicken in Yellow Curry

Nothing too exotic to report here, that is, as long as you don’t consider Thai food really all that exotic. It’s a basic staple in urban cuisine, and as far as I know, one that’s been spared from the fusions that are all the rage with modern haute-coutre gastro-halls. Think of the frankensteinish possibilities. Swedish-Thai. Creole-Thai. Thai-Soul Food.

Actually, that last one doesn’t sound too bad.

If you’re on 14th street and can’t make up your mind on what’s for dinner, Thai Tanic is a decent spot to get a quick bite. The prices are inexpensive, the wait staff isn’t pretentious, and most importantly, the food isn’t half bad. Don’t expect anything too fancy or different here, although the menu does offer several signature house dishes for you to choose from. It’s the perfect answer to those nights when you’re indecisive about the food, but you want something a little different from the norm. ThaiTanic has two locations on 14th street, and you can find the original on a map here.

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Dark restaraunts and point'n'shoot cameras do not mix well.

Agraria Farmers & Fishers is one of a string of businesses that have taken up residence at a large space on the Georgetown waterfront. Having been by that place numerous times throughout the years, it would seem that that particular location just has some bad luck running through it with the amount of turnover, and Agraria is the latest in establishments who are out to see if they can break that streak.

The restaurant is huge. Absolutely huge. For a place that’s owned by the North Dakota Farmer’s Union, you’d think these country boys have more money than they know what to do with. The decor is a strange mix of down-home country details with modern textures and architecture which takes a little while to get used to, but turns out to be a really well executed implementation of the idea. Giant mason jars of preserves line the bar, back-lit with soft lights and coupled with hard liquor. The tableclothes are the vinyl checkered pattern you see at country BBQ restaurants, and the floral covered booths are a nod to the look so popular in the Midwest. Even the wait staff is decked out in rumpled plaid shirts and jeans, all tying in to the theme of a modern, high-end country restaurant.

Agraria's booths

The menu is extensive, to the point where it’s completely overwhelming. Menu items are broken out to sections, but still, there are a number of choices of delicious dishes, all using locally sourced foods (when possible) straight to salivating mouth. So locavores will be extremely happy to see that Agraria meets their own dietary restrictions and needs.

The one problem that we encountered was that the restaurant was out of bleu cheese sauce and goat cheese, so all the dishes using those two ingredients were off the availability list. This turned out to be a fairly big problem for Jen, as almost all the dishes she could eat as a vegetarian were immediately stricken from the list. Still, she’s a trooper, and made do with her selections.

She started off with the butternut squash soup. Creamy and sweet, it’s a perfect dish to enjoy as the weather starts getting colder outside. A definite winner for both of us. Much better than the Steamy Bowl of Rocks and Salty Cheese Soup, which I’ve heard they have removed from the menu from rather unanimous (un)popularity.

Butternut Squash Soup

Her main course was the Housemade Papardelle with Heirloom Tomatoes and Roasted Garlic. She wasn’t a fan of this at all, but she doesn’t really enjoy savory starches, and the flavor was very subtle with this dish, with an emphasis on the garlic flavor rather than being covered in a thick creamy sauce, which probably would have appealed to her more. She gave up on this dish less than a third of the way through, to which, as her doting boyfriend, I resigned to finishing it for her. That included the mandatory thumping of my chest and screaming in triumph after I had done so.

Every.

Last.

Bite.

Papardelle Noodles with Heirloom Tomatoes and Garlic

I thought the Papardelle noodles were off the chain good. I love thick cut noodles like this, even thicker and wider than fettuccine, which is a rarity to see being offered.

I ordered the Chocolate Dipped Bacon Lollipops, which were fantastic. If I had one complaint, it would be that there just wasn’t enough bacon that came with the dish for the price. Six chunks of bacon skewered and dipped in milk chocolate, served on an apple. It’s been a concoction I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to try, and it did not disappoint. Who would have though that bacon and chocolate were as natural of a combination as some of the finer things in life. Kool-Aid and sugar. Peanut butter and jelly. Ham and burger. Classic.

Chocolate Dipped Bacon Lollipops

Next up, I ordered the Grilled Baja Heritage Truck-Style Tacos. A triplet of tacos in fresh made corn tortillas, served with a cup of fresh salsa and a cup of cream sauce (I wasn’t sure exactly what the sauce was, but damn it was tasty) and well put together. The tacos were just filled enough so that none of the ingredients would fall out (sturdy tortillas that don’t break are also crucial here) but not under-filled to the point where you would feel that you’re not getting your dollahs worth. Not the best tacos I’ve had in DC, but decent.

Heritage Truck-Style Baja Fish Tacos

And then there’s the main course. The Sweet Potato Gnudi. These people don’t dick around, you either the full Gnudi here, or you get shown the door.

All Gnudi...but tastefully done!

Really though, in comparison to Kora’s gnudi, this one doesn’t even compete at the same level. Kora’s gnudi wins, hands down. The amount of gnudi on the plate was a bit lacking, so it was good that I had ordered the tacos as a second appetizer, and the fact that I had Jen’s Pappardelle to close. The gnudi here isn’t nearly as smooth and has a texture reminiscent of gnocchi. It still satisfies my dumpling desires, but their version of a full gnudi is really a half gnudi. And as anyone can tell you, when you only get a half of the amount gnudi you’re expecting at night, you’re going to go home with some sadness in the pants.

Sweet Potato Gnudi in a Sage and Citrus Butter Sauce and a Balsamic Glaze

It’s nice to have a restaurant that subscribes to sustainable agriculture and poses as a super friendly environment to those who might be interested in high society eatin’, but without the silly pretense. Agraria Farmers & Fishes does just that. Their dishes can be hit or miss depending on your tastes, although they definitely go and take some risks and come with winners. Jen and I would give this place a second try, but not without a precursory call to make sure they’re not out of the goat cheese again.

Plus, they have some wicked awesome knives. I think the waiter said that these knives were the ones our predecessors used to kill raptors and land roving sharks in prehistoric times.

That's a knife.

See Agraria Farmers & Fishers on a map here.

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Image Credit: Flickr user jagosaurus

Metro 29 Diner is a free standing diner on route 29 in Arlington, and has the great distinction of not only being one of the best diners in the area, but also a locally owned one as well. It’s hard to miss this place as it maintains the traditional diner exterior, with just barely enough chrome and neon lighting to outshine a Japanese Decotora truck.

It's like a slot machine, only it spits out blinding death. And delicious noodles.

The interior of the diner has been renovated and has a very contemporary and clean feel to it, unlike the traditional leather booths and mini jukeboxes of chains like Silver Diner. Think of Metro 29 Diner as a fancier IHOP. Less screaming, more pie.

Speaking of pie, the desserts at Metro 29 are outstanding. The display case that greets you at the front door warrants a viewing, with enormous slices of cake, pie, and canolis. ENORMOUS. Their slices of Boston Creme Pie puts Rhode Island into complete darkness. And who wouldn’t want to die by way of pie? Much better than seppuku.

The dish portions are also nothing to scoff at here. I ordered the challah bread French Toast, because, clearly, I still can’t get enough of the Frenchies. The jumbo slices of French toast are amazing. Thick cut, soaked in egg and butter, and good enough to be eaten on their own without accouterments. I had it with two eggs sunny side up and a side of bacon. Eggs cooked sunny side up is an art, because you run the fine line of either overcooking the yolks or not cooking them enough. Fortunately, the cooks here are the Van Goghs of egg prep, because these eggs came out perfectly. The ‘side’ of bacon actually was about 10 strips of pig, no snout, little grease and perfectly crisp.

Service is friendly and fast, just the way a diner should be. Our waitress was quick to take down orders, and the food came out in less than 15 minutes.

If there were to be one complain I have about this place, it’s the fact that they don’t serve real maple syrup here. I do my best to avoid my intake of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) at all times. It’s easy enough to do during my normal diet during the week, because I avoid refined sugars altogether, but during cheat meals, I’ll have to pay extra care to check the ingredients on things like preserves and syrup. Metro 29 Diner serves up Maple Flavored Syrup, which is why I went with the nude French Bread, but I wasn’t disappointed in the least.

Metro 29 is a great place greasy spoon along I-66 and Highway 29. The wait time varies depending on when you go, but Saturday mornings are generally relaxed and you can usually get a seat without much of a wait. Definitely plan an off the rails meal here, and be smart enough to save room for dessert at the end. Highly recommended, and I’ll be back here again.

View a map of Metro 29 Diner here.

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Kong was one of our final meals in Paris, and definitely one of the best, after a helpful recommendation from our hotel’s concierge. The restaurant offers a well rounded menu of modern Asian-French fusion dishes, all that come with stunning presentation and top notch taste.

Jen started out with the Tomato Mozzarella "Glam Chic", a nice variation on the typical mozzarella and cheese, with edamame, seaweed wrapped legumes, and a healthy dose of a fantastic wasabi glaze everywhere. She mentioned that she’s had greens every way she could possibly think of, and even this was something she’s never quite had or enjoyed as much. The wasabi glaze was definitely the coup de grace for this one.

Tomato Mozzarella Glam Chic

She didn’t really see much in the main courses that appealed to her, and the udon noodle selection wasn’t really calling out to her either, so she went with the Saint-Marcellin cow cheese for her main course (typically a dessert). This mild and creamy cheese makes me wish dairy was still a part of my daily diet. I miss cheeses on my frittatas and omelettes, but I’d slather myself in this stuff anytime and just call it a day. I doubt it’s as easily accessible here in the states unless you’re at a gourmet cheese shop, but I’ll have to look out for it sometime if I am.

Saint Marcellin Cheese

I went for the all our frenchie experience, starting with the Fresh Foie Gras Terrine and toasts, considering French foie gras a must for any gastrom visiting in Paris. The foie gras, unadorned, appears to be nothing more than a simple dish, but the rich flavor won me over. So amazing, it was ultramallardelicious.

My main course was the beef tartar with a side of fries, both were pretty impressive. The raw beef was seared but plenty raw, and another winner in my books. Both Jen and I loved the fries, thick cut, with a salty crisp exterior and a piping hot, creamy potato interior just waiting to burn your tongue. Unfortunately, Kong was too dark for either of my dishes to come out, but their website proudly showcases their best dishes, and only makes me want to go back to try more of them soon.

The restaurant itself is designed by Philllippe Starck, a well known product designer in the design community, whose work and influence you’ve likely seen in many places. We managed to get in at a late enough hour after a boat tour on the Seine river that we copped the best seat in the house. The restaurant sits on the top floor of the Kenzo design house, six stories tall and overlooking Pont Neuf and the Seine. The elongated shape has a rounded glass dome, which is exactly where we sat. Amazing.

Credit: Pushpullbar.com

The view from Kong, overlooking Pont Neuf. Nice.

The staff can be a bit uptight, as if the jerks were holding sushi rolls between their cheeks all night. Relax guys, drop the unagi. Attitude aside, service is quick and the dishes come out quick. If you’re traveling through Paris, Kong is an absolute must for any diner, especially meat eaters. The design is quirky and fun, and the bar scene is vibrant. If you’re looking for Kong while in Paris, you can totally find them
heeyurrr.

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Credit: addadada from Flickr

Amorino is a gelato boutique with almost 30 stores globally…and really, it’s not hard to understand why. The gelato is, for lack of a better term, OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM. Delicious. I can’t think of any gelato that I’ve had outside of Italy that’s tasted as good as the stuff here. They offer a variety of flavors, of which Jen and I split one called L’unimitable, which has a very high likelihood of being a major pronunciation FAIL. The best I could describe it is a cocoa flavored gelato with ENORMOUS chunks of frozen hazelnut chocolate. I felt like I should have been digging for an insulin needle in my bag, it was so sweet and utterly decadent.

Their signature scoop is a rosette shaped cone, which is absolutely beautiful. I’ve never seen a gelato boutique shape something quite like it.

We tried to go back for a second time on a separate night in Paris, but weren’t able to find it in time (it was already getting past midnight on our second search) and that’s one of the few things about this trip that actually made me sad. If you’re in Paris, you MUST stop in for some of their gelato. Paris has 10 stores, plan on stopping in earlier in your trip or you might just miss out on it altogether!

View a map of Paris’ Amorino boutiques here.

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Indiana Cafe is a strange, strange place. The best Jen I could think of it being was what the French perceive American life to be, much in the way those of us living stateside perceive french waiters to have pencil thin moustaches, berets, striped shirts, and a bandana tied around their neck.

Haw haw haw...

The menu provides a dazzling array of choices, from burgers, to tex-mex, to curry. The decor consists of walls completely covered in vintage Native American/Indian photos, and they only place old school 80′s Police songs.

Confused? We were too. And totally enticed.

Unfortunately, this meal didn’t have any English menus, so we made deux with the French menus. Jen ordered Vegetarien Tacos, and I had the Indiana Degustation. There were numerous jokes throughout the rest of the trip as to what degustation actually meant, and it turns out, it means disgusting appetite.

No wait, it means tasting…and as far as I can tell, Indiana means Indiana the state, not the Native American, so I was tasting Indiana, not tasting a Native American. Upon this revelation, I was immediately saddened in the pants.

What we were really interested in was just how well a French chain of restaurants (12 in Paris according to the website, 6 according to Google Maps) could cook up an authentic Tex-Mex-ish meal.

The degustation plate was a hot mess of Mexican rice, taco, enchilada, chili, guacamole, and deep fried mozzarella sticks. Yep, totally tex-mex. I’m wondering if the curry items on the menu came with naan and Doritos.

Jen’s dish was a bit more pure Tex-Mex, although I’m questioning the piece de la resistance, the cole slaw, to really fit in with the tacos.

All the while, we’re listening to Sting sweat up a storm on a live performance recorded over two decades ago, and admiring the black and white photos of Native American chiefs underneath the bright, bright, bright red neon lights.

The food here is as about as good as any Tex-Mex restaurant we’ve had outside of the actual heart of Texas or Mexico. The sides are a little weird, but I’ll chalk it up to ingenious French Tex-Mex-Americana fusion. If you’re a little homesick for American food, Indiana Cafe will do the trick. It’s nothing that makes it the best food in the city, but it’s good enough to drop in for a quick meal when you’re nearby. The restaurant is open late, and you can find the closest Indiana Cafe on a map here.

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Berko Bakery is one of the few places that dishes out cupcakes to Paris. The bakery, nestled deep in La Marais, boasts a raft of baked goods including cheesecakes and various tartlettes for your devouring. The bakery is attractive and modern, and everything in the store are in glass display cases, showing off their sugary sweetness.

La Marais, once known for its strong Jewish neighborhood roots, now also has the reputation of being the gay district of Paris. Rainbow flags are abundant, and Jen caught several men giving me the eyef*ck. She threatened me at several points to pawn me off to one of these men for a good baguette and some bougie brie, although luckily, I avoided being a jerk for the day, which in itself, is an incredible feat.

The mini cupcakes at Berko look amazing, with numerous flavors to entice you. However, I’d recommend against the cupcakes and getting a selection of the various other desserts at this bakery. While the cupcakes weren’t terrible, they definitely don’t hold up to the ones I’ve had here in America. The cake is a bit dry and could use a bit more butter, only remedied if you’re lucky enough to pick one of the cupcakes with an additional filling underneath the cream cheese frosting.

American Cupcakes. F*ck yeah!

The mini cheesecakes there, however, look artery clogging good, and in retrospect I wish I had been more greedy and ordered the other desserts there. If you’re passing by, definitely eat in, as the cupcake carriers don’t do a good job of ensuring your baked goods get home with even the most careful carrying back home. Seriously. It was a nine cupcake pileup in the box when we got back to our hotel. The owner at Berko has a pretty good sense of humor, so be prepared for a little test of your French speaking skills. We were only treated to being spoken to in English once we agreed to purchase a nine pack of mini cupcakes, but it’s all in good fun because, really, who the fuck can be serious hawking cupcakes?

If you’re Paris and you’re walking off a tidy lunch in La Marais, stop by for coffee and dessert at Berko. View a map of Berko here.

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